Gegen Gott
by PockymonX3
Summary: Homosexuality is a sin, what I've been taught my whole life. Ever since the accident. Then I met him, at a Catholic school of all places. Edvy.
1. Sacrilege

**A.N.: My sick and twisted mind got to musing what would happen if Ed and Envy ever got sent to Catholic school. And this story is what happens when I put the idea into words. I'm not all that good with chapter stories, I need motivation to keep writing, so please, please review and tell me what you think. But, come on, Ed and Envy in school uniforms. :drool: Ehm… anyway, onto the story. And also, it's going to be switching between the two main character's points of view.**

**PS: The title is German and translated it means "Against God". If you happen to know German and I've utterly butchered the language and it means nothing of the sort, I'm sorry. My meager knowledge for the language comes from music and one of my friends.**

**Dedication: I dedicate this story to Felicia. May she be turned from the dark side to see the light x3. Love you!**

**Disclaimer: Even in my wildest fantasies I could never own FMA or any of the characters. And if there really is a Holy Cross Academy for young men, I had no idea and I don't own that either.**

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**((Edward's POV))**

Now I lay me down to sleep,

Symbols swirling beneath my eyes, red lines against a black background. Nonsense to my dormant mind, blissfully ignorant of the world surrounding. Haunting music like a lullaby, teasing me with its familiarity and my inability to place where it's been heard before…

_Pray the Lord my soul to keep._

A feeling of breathlessness pressing down against my chest, strangling me beneath the lines that lie above my closed eyelids. Gasping for oxygen beneath the tide, a prayer bubbling forth from my lips, half-recalled from so long ago…

_If I die before I wake,_

The words don't help as I'm pulled down, further from the lines, into a suffocating space. The words never help and the prayers never save. But I must believe, because all I have is my faith. If I still had my salvation…

_Pray the Lord my soul to take._

With a gasp I wrenched myself from the dream, feeling the breath saw through my lungs and pass between my dry lips, like I truly had been asphyxiating. I lay in bed, sweat soaking my bare chest, staring up at the ceiling. The only light in the room came from the alarm clock on my desk, mocking me with the hour. **5:19**. That meant a.m. Which mean in the morning. Meaning that I had once again woken up before my alarm went off. I groaned, rolling onto my side to face away from the evil little numbers. My eyes shut tight but those strange red symbols burned against my eyes, making it impossible to return to sleep. Still, I didn't want to be up just yet, and then I'd have almost too much time to get ready. And too much time was never a good thing with me. Last time I had too much time, I'd ended up with my current situation and so far, my current situation was not a good one.

An incident at my old school had gotten me landed in this new; Holy Cross Academy for Young Men. Bascially, a fancy way to say, "send your boys here if you think that they're going to be damned for all eternity". What happened at my old school is nothing I am proud of, and nothing I want to talk about. I'd been at Holy Cross for a year now and I'd learned my lesson about eleven months ago. But still, I was trapped until my father saw the horrid mistake they had made in sending me there. Or until I graduated, which was next year. Yep, seventeen years of age, a junoir in high school, and I still have to listen and obey my dad. Just one more year, I kept telling myself, one more year until freedom.

My thoughts burned away the last remnants of the dream and slowly woke me up, shivering as the sweat on me cooled. I started to sigh which turned into a wide yawn, coming out with a loud noise that sounded like a cat meowing to my half-asleep mind. Reluctantly I sat to up see that the clock had only gone forwards one minute, even though it seemed like several had passed. I shrugged to myself, stretching my arms up above my head and arching my back, both hearing and feeling my shoulder pop. I crawled out of bed, stumbling blindly through my room until I found the light switch, blinding myself momentarily as the only light in my room flickered on.

The small, warm cavern that was my bedroom could quite possibly described as a place someone with OCD would live, thanks to my father constantly nagging me to keep it clean. Sitting pristine atop my desk was my school supplies, backpack resting on the floor next to it. My uniform was folded over the back of the chair, pressed to perfection by the same man who cackled and cracked his whip at me to keep my room neat. Kidding, my dad doesn't cackle. I stripped out of my boxers, slipping on a clean pair and dressing slowly, taking time to make sure everything would meet the approval of daddy-dearest. Long sleeved, collared white shirt buttoned properly, navy blue tie tied tightly so that it nearly choked me, and matching blue slacks pulled up to my hips, not sagging down to my butt like I'd seen some people wearing them. Belt on almost as tight as the tie, cutting off all circulation to the lower half of my body. Yeah, seems like everything was just as dad would want it. I slid on some socks and black dress shoes, making sure that they were free of scuffs. I combed my hair out, grabbing a hair tie and braiding it. My hair was blonde, long enough that my braid went just beyond the base of my neck. Although, some of it wasn't long enough and it fell to the front, framing my face. I shoved my school things into my backpack, slinging it over my shoulder. I gave myself a quick once over in the full-length mirror behind my door before heading out.

My eyes were an odd warm gold color, upturned slightly at the corners, set in a face that was just now losing it's childlike looks and gaining some definition. My shoulders were still narrow, sloping gently. That, combined with the way my face was shaping, made me look just a tad bit feminine, but it was enough to annoy me. I had enough troubles with girls already, looking like one didn't really help it. In my uniform, it seemed to me that I appeared more like a buisnessman than a student. With a sigh, I left my room.

"Hey, Ed. Good morning. You're up early."

My dad was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in one hand and the newspaper in the other. Mom had died four years ago, and something between us had shifted then. Dad had become a lot more of a workaholic, so seeing him like this was rare. He was relaxed, a small smile on his face when he saw me enter the room. We'd grown apart after mom's death, although we could pretend we were still the happy family we were before. The cause of death was unknown, but she was the picture of health one day, gone the next. I managed a slight half-smile, putting my bag on the table and going through the cupboards for something to eat.

"Woke up early. Do you mind driving me to school today or are you too busy?"

The answer was usually no, but this time he surprised me.

"Sure, you'll have to eat quick, though."

I nodded, grabbing a bagel and scarfing it down and taking a swig of orange juice straight from the carton. Dad made a disapproved noise from behind me but didn't say anything on the matter, making me wonder what was going on. I turned, grabbing my backpack and smiling at my dad.

"Ready, dad," I said cheerfully, bouncing on the balls of my feet excitedly.

"Hold up, kid. Isn't it a bit cold out to be in just that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he finished his coffee, setting the newspaper down as he stood. I looked outside, shrugging at the wind and rain that whipped around. He kept staring at me until I conceded, rolling my eyes and going to grab a jacket from the hall closet.

We got into the car and I could almost feel the air around us getting tense and awkward. I shifted nervously in the passenger seat, sensing my dad was about to speak. Lately, he seemed to go for topics that I found uncomfortable whenever his mouth opened. Sadly, today was not any different.

"So, anything… going on?"

"No, dad."

"Everything good at school?"

"Yeah, dad."

"Meet anyone you like?"

The question was direct and I felt myself tense involuntarily. I knew what he meant by that and it made a sick feeling clench at my stomach, filling me with dread.

"No, dad. They're all boys."

"And what are boys?"

"The same as me."

"Good."

I sighed faintly, not wanting him to hear me. Ever since last year, all our conversations seemed to go like this. No variations, he just wanted to beat the lesson into my head. I was getting sick and tired of it, honestly, but I would never admit that to my dad. He'd just make everything a whole lot worse for me. But oddly enough, it didn't just end there like it normally did. I started slightly as he spoke again, his voice suddenly taking on a hardened edge, daring me to speak up now.

"I got a call from one of your teachers. They say that there's going to be a new student today. You'll behave yourself, correct?"

I bristled inwardly, grimacing at the implication in his words. Did he honestly think I was that stupid, that foolish? I swallowed my pride and the sharp retort that had been waiting on the tip of my tongue, itching to be let loose, and answered the way he wanted me to.

"Of course, dad. You know I will."

My voice was cold but he seemed to be satisfied with the response, smiling as he pulled up to the school. I wondered what poor unfortunate soul had ended up getting stuck in there with the rest of us as I looked up at the sprawling expanse that was both a church and a school. A giant Gothic cathedral stood at the forefront, where we had to go to every Wednesday with the rest of the school for mass. Behind it, the three-floor Academy lay in a U shape around a courtyard, the church closing the space between the buildings to make it a square. Holy Cross housed elementary, middle, and high school, each side of the building holding each different school.

"See ya, dad," I said, getting out of the car quickly as I could, breathing in the stormy air around me in relief. I most certainly was not one for awkward situations, and I had just broken free of yet another one.

I made my way around the church, jumping slightly when I noticed someone standing with their back to me by the side of the church, out of the way of the storm. They turned as if sensing me and smiled faintly, just a flash of teeth in the shadow cast by the cathedral. His eyes seemed to glow in the dim light, looking me up and down quickly. He was gone in the next instant, slipping around the corner and out of my sight. I shivered, that one look was enough to stop my thought process for a moment. His eyes were so strange, a bright, almost iridescent purple_. _I mentally shook myself, hitching my backpack higher up onto my shoulder as I headed straight towards the center building, where the high school was, the image of that strange person's eyes in my mind.

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**End of chapter one. Please review and I will give you lots of loves. Envy's point of view is next but it won't always change every chapter.**

**I wanted to keep some things the same, like their appearances, and the fact that Ed's mother is dead, but the cause is different and will be revealed as time goes on. I'm still decided if I should bring Al in or not… :ponders: I guess if he becomes necessary in the story I will. :shrugs: Tell me what you think.**


	2. Questioning

**A.N: I have absolutely no knowledge of how Catholic schools conduct their classes, so basically I'm winging it. Ignore Envy's really lame last name, I couldn't think of anything. ****Don't kill me in my sleep, please.**

**Thank you very much for the reviews. I kind of can't believe that all you people liked just the first chapter. I promise to keep it up if you keep reviewing x3.**

**PS: Ever heard the song "School Uniform" by the Pipettes? That's what's stuck in my head right now.**

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**((Envy's POV))**

_I wonder if this is what hell would be like…_

Pulse hammering through my veins, breath nearing hyperventilation. I wasn't normally one for nervousness, but as I stood just outside the open classroom door, I was about ready to turn tail and run for my life. The very smell of this place made me uneasy, way too clean and preserved; it had a cold, heartless feel to it. The fluorescents of the hallway cast a harsh light down on me, making me dizzy with their brightness, burning away the shadows. I had a little bit of a problem with the light; it hurt my eyes and made things so much worse than they actually were to me. But I drew in a deep breath, doing my best to calm my mind and my heart. Make a good impression, Envy. Calm, confident, and heavily medicated. But the reason behind that last one was a need to know thing, and they didn't need to know that. I held a single zipper binder in my hand, as much as I was willing to carry around for an entire day at school.

_No… hell would be much nicer._

Holy Cross Academy. What a joke. Just another place where people could shove their religion down your throat and beat it into your head until you believed it. The entire place just made me sick. And not just because of the light. Only one thing had happened so far that mildly sparked my interest, and even that didn't improve my impression of the school. I'd met one of the students. Well _met _might be a tad strong of a word for it. Turned around and gave him a shock was more like it. He seemed like one of those kids who took religion seriously, uniform without flaw on his short, slender body. He might have been a middle schooler, if it weren't for the fact he was wearing the same uniform as me. The high school uniform. His hair was blonde and tied securely behind him. Eyes golden, almost cat-like in their appearance. A fascinating boy, to say the most. I shook the thoughts from my head, taking another breath to steady myself before rapping on the doorframe, standing there to get the attention of the teacher. He turned with barely contained annoyance at the disturbance, smiling slightly when he saw me, but his face soon fell.

"Oh hello, you must be the new stu…dent?"

The elderly man's eyes widened a fraction behind his wide glasses as he took in my appearance and I could barely stifle my smile. Following rules had never been my preference, and I could tell from the look on the teacher's face that we already were off to a rocky start. He cleared his throat, regaining his composure and straightening up. He reassessed me quickly; mouth pursed with dislike while I just stood there, amusement gleaming in my eyes. I cast a quick glance around the classroom, noticing to my extreme pleasure that most of the students were openly gaping at me, among them the golden-haired boy I'd spied earlier. But it wasn't my attire he was gawking at; instead, he met my eyes with an expression of pure awe, mouth hanging open slightly. If this was my old school I would have had the nerve to wink at him, but today was a new day and I was already in hot water.

"Yes well… seeing as it's your first day I shall let you off with a warning. But in the future, please make sure that your uniform is up to the standards of our Academy. Now… if you would be so kind as to introduce yourself to the class…?"

I consented to this with a nod, stepping in to the center front of the room. There was a single open chair in the back corner, the one opposite of the blonde, I noticed as I stood there. '_It's painfully bright here too_,' I thought to myself with some discomfort, shifting my weight from one foot to another, a nervous habit of mine. I ran my free hand through my hair, pushing the long green locks out of the way of my face, smiling faintly before I spoke.

"Hey all. I'm Envy Jones, but please just call me Envy."

There was some uncomfortable shifting from the crowd as they heard my name, no doubt recalling that it was one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Well hell, what can I say? My parents had a sense of humor and foreboding when they named me, one I didn't contest with. I liked my name. I stood for a moment or two more, awkward, until the teacher finally motioned for me to go sit. I did so with relief, walking with long strides down the aisle, my hips swaying slightly in an embarrassingly natural way. I sat down with one leg on either side of the chair, leaning with one of my elbows resting on the back. I allowed my gaze to slide over to the blonde boy once more to find him staring at me still. When I caught him looking a faint flush came to his cheeks and his eyes snapped back to the front and he suddenly became very interested in whatever the teacher was rambling about. I chuckled, looking to the front to find it was something I'd already learned. Good, that meant I could let my mind wander for the next… forty-five minutes.

Shadows slipped and turned in my vision, performing some sort of dark dance in the brightly lit room. I suppressed a shudder, keeping my eyes closed tightly, head down and pen moving, writing down nonsense to fool the teacher into thinking I was paying attention. Curses whipped through my mind, blaming the stress and the horror of this new place for what was happening. And what was happening? Well…

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I'd passed through a gauntlet of whispers and stares each time I walked the halls, from students and teachers alike. It was hell on my mind, wearing down my protective barrier and filling me with paranoia. I kept my chin up, hands clenched to prevent my shaking from showing. Oh how I hated this place…

_Did you see the new kid-?_

Keep standing tall, Envy…

_Heard his name's Envy…_

I don't see how that was any of their business.

_Is that a joke?_

Are you the joke?

_What's his deal?_

Leave me alone.

_What's with those clothes? _

I said leave me alone.

_Is he an idiot?_

You must be.

_What's his story?_

None of your business.

I heard endless questions surrounding me like walls, each one demanding an answer that I did not want to give. But I'd expected this and so put up a shield between myself and them, continuously chanting in my mind that they couldn't touch me, they couldn't hurt me.

It didn't help much when the press of bodies around me became an extreme problem as I was swept up with the crowd as they all moved onwards to lunch. I was being pushed and jostled and shoved against my will, with no one muttering so much as an apology. It made my trembles worsen, eyes flicking around every few seconds just looking for a way out.

I'd spied the blonde boy from before slipping through with practice and ease, vanishing almost as soon as I'd spotted him. I couldn't help but find it ironic that I was living up to my namesake already, envying him for being able to seemingly avoid contact with everyone, moving like a ghost through the crowd. It got me wondering if he did that on purpose, the avoidance thing. No one else seemed to notice him, I wonder if they even knew he was a student here.

I was late when I got to the cafeteria, most of the tables where already filled. Except for one where sat… _him_.

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**(Edward's POV)**

Oh my… The class' heads swiveled in unison to see who'd had the nerve to interrupt the teacher in the midst of a lecture, and we all had been met with a shock. In the doorway stood who could only be the new student, no one else would have the nerve to dress like that to the Academy. The top three buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned, exposing the pale skin of his chest, his tie hanging low, not up tight like it should have been, sleeves pushed up around his elbows. Black hair was long, going down to his mid back and surrounding his face. His eyes were purple, the same odd, glowing color from before. I met those eyes, amazed at his bravery and his uncaring attitude, as he stood tall and addressed the class.

Envy? What were his parents thinking, sending a boy named Envy here? Why even name someone that? I grew curious as I watched him walk to his desk, wondering what his story was. So it was much to my embarrassment when he turned and caught me looking, catching me off guard with his odd violet stare. I looked away as fast as I could, feeling the heat rise to my face. There was something secretive about his eyes, guarded and suspicious of the world around him even when he seemed to be at ease. It was those eyes that followed me through the first half of the day, up until the bell for lunch. It wasn't that he actually was in all of my classes, no, just that first one, but the memory remained for the time afterward.

So now it was time for lunch, my stomach growling viciously, demanding for its hunger to be sated. I made my way to the cafeteria quick as I could through the crowd of other students, curled into myself to slip through the gaps left by others. Even after all my time here I still had no friends, I kept to myself so I wouldn't get into any more trouble, so I had a table all to myself. However, if I didn't get there early it would be taken and then I'd have to stammer and ask if I could join them. No thank you, I'll just worm my way through and make people mad. I went through the lunch line, buying my food and making my way quickly to my little space at the back corner.

I wasn't quite paying attention to my surroundings, so I couldn't be to blame for the girlish squeak that came from me when a voice startled me out of my own little world. I looked up to see Envy there, a calm smile on his face and his eyes guarded still. I swallowed my food quickly, clearing my throat before I spoke. It seemed as though he had just asked if he could sit with me.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that, what?"

"I said, could I sit with you? Every other place looks full, so well…"

He looked away from me, letting his sentence trail off. Oh well, there goes my hope of simply coasting by without interfering with others. I couldn't very well be mean to the new guy. I nodded, gesturing to the seat opposite mine. He took it, setting his lunch on the table and sitting like he had during class. We remained like that for a moment, each surveying the other with measured interest and neither saying much. His skin was paler than mine, and smoother too, I noticed. His hair was more of a green-black than the flat black it had seemed before. It was a few more minutes before I realized that he was waiting for me to speak, and that he didn't even know my name. I flushed, quickly stammering out an introduction.

"O-oh, my name is Edward. Edward Elric."

He smiled, holding a hand out to me. I took it hesitantly, feeling the smooth skin of his palm on mine. I couldn't help but smile back as he shook my hand.

"Nice to meet you, Edward."

The shadow in his eyes seemed to vanish for a moment, showing genuine warmth as he spoke the phrase. But then it was gone and he dropped my hand, something like fear flashing in his gaze and he looked away quickly. I felt an unexplainable pull towards him, a need to figure out what was going through his mind. We didn't speak for the rest of lunch, and then parted ways to see each other only once or twice for the rest of the day. He was in one other class of mine, at the end of the day, mathematics.

Then I was on the bus and heading home for the weekend, thoughts of Envy fading from my mind. I was slowly growing terrified, biting into my bottom lip. I never liked weekends; they gave me too much time. And it meant dad was home. I loved my dad, but sometimes…

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**Heavily medicated? Envy? Yeaaaah. It's a secret for now ^_~. But they meet! Huzzah!**

**You get a little glimpse into their home lives next chapter. Whee! Or not whee… **

**Please review 3.**


	3. Rainy November

**A.N: Thank you very much for the reviews (I'm still in shock that so many people like it~). Anyway, here is chapter three, where we find out why Ed hates his home. Not yay. **

**On a completely unrelated sidenote, I'm going to see Alice in Wonderland today. That is yay x3.**

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**(Envy's POV)**

Thoughts of Edward clouded my brain on the way home. How shocked he had seemed when I'd spoken to him, how soft his hand was, how easily he blushed. I was glad that he wasn't one of those people who had to fill every single silence with senseless babble; both of us seemed content with our quiet lunch together. Maybe he wouldn't mind me joining him again, I liked his company. Those golden eyes that watched me with open curiosity, but he was respectful enough not to pry, I liked those too. I was glad that I'd started this school on a Friday, having to deal with the teachers there for a full week was going to suck. Aside from the first one, they all had some comment on my appearance, one going so far as to threaten me with a detention if I repeated the offense. I had a feeling I'd be in detention a lot, then. No way were they going to be able to stuff me into those uniforms like the rest. It felt constricting enough to me.

The rain outside had slowed, coming down almost straight as the wind died, scenery flying by on the other side of the window. The bus turned a corner and stopped, door swinging open. I stood, walking out into the rain and down the driveway to my humble home. If a two-floor, right-on-the-water home could be called humble. And by on the water, I meant there was a balcony on the second floor, which came out over the pond, stilts plunging into the water to hold it up. I went up the steps, dropping my binder and slipping out of my shoes once inside. The sounds of rain were muted in here, the house seeming to be empty, unnaturally still. It felt… like home. Silence was heavy in the hallway, muffling the sound of my footsteps. Then I heard it. A crash, a scream, gunfire, two voices yelling. I took off running, turning around a corner to the source of the sound and sighed in relief.

It was a video game, played on the television in my living room. I saw the back of two heads, hair close-cropped on one and the same wild mess I had on the other, both black. I walked in, jumping over the back of the couch to sit between them and throwing my arms over their shoulders, interrupting their game and earning curses thrown in my direction.

"Come on, Envy! I almost had him!" the one with long hair crowed.

"As if! I was about to kick your ass and you know it, Wrath!" the other retorted, trying to get around me to tackle Wrath.

"No way, Greed! I had you cornered!"

They began talking so fast that I had trouble catching their words, but what I did hear consisted of death threats and mutilation in the cruelest form. I sighed, doing my best to keep them apart. My brothers were such a handful sometimes. I was the middle child of our family, the eldest being Greed and the youngest being Wrath. Why did our mom name us that? Why did our dad allow it? I could only imagine that it was because our grandmother had the cajones to name our mom Lust. We had an aunt Pride and she had a daughter named Sloth. And, even though he didn't really have the name, my mom's side of the family fondly (or not-so-fondly) called our dad Gluttony. I saw him now, asleep on the recliner, round belly rising and falling with his even breathing. His bickering sons did nothing to rouse him, just a small twitch in his sleep acknowledged that he wasn't dead and we had only managed to slightly disturb him.

"Guys… Guys! Chill, it's just a video game," I insisted, managing to pin down Wrath with my legs and Greed with my arms. They struggled but only glared at each other now, both utterly competitive and always butting heads. After a moment they turned away from each other abruptly, each pouting at the fact that there hadn't been a winner. Greed paused the game, looking at me with a sly smile that was never a good thing. He was in college, still living at home, and I'd been around him enough to know that him smiling was never a good thing. Instantly, I released him, sitting up straight and scooting to Wrath some.

"Soo~" he dragged the word out and my stomach plummeted to my knees. "How was your first day at your new school, little brother of mine?"

"I'm not the little one, Wrath is," this earned a small protest from the longhaired boy besides me.

"Wrath is my little _bother_, not brother. And don't avoid the question."

"It was alright, I guess," I replied, shrugging.

"Meet anyone neat?"

"I met a lot of people. None of them really _neat_."

"Any cute boys?"

"Greed!" I squeaked, blushing dark red. Besides me, I heard Wrath chuckle and mutter something about his fruity older brother.

"Well? Spill it, Envy. Dad can't hear anything, he's out like a light."

"No! And quit asking that!"

I got off the couch, running up the stairs and into my room. Ugh, sometimes I hated Greed. Sometimes he seemed perfectly fine with having one of his younger brothers be gay, other times he just saw it as an opportunity to pick on me. I sat on my bed, hugging my knees to my chest, heart pounding in my chest. My eyes were opened wide, shadows slipping over the light that streamed in through the window, moving close enough to touch and then vanishing, tormenting me. I whimpered, closing my eyes and ducking my head down, returning to the five-year-old logic of 'if I can't see them, they can't see me'. I heard my door open and close and flinched, digging my nails into my forearms. I felt a warm hand on between my shoulder blades, then someone sitting besides me.

"Did you forget your medicine this morning?" It was Greed, his voice low and unaccusing.

"No, I've been taking it. But half my normal dose. That shit doesn't work, Greed. It just makes it worse. So much worse," I whispered, leaning into him.

"Do you see them now?"

I nodded, feeling myself shake as I did so. Greed was the only one I confided with when it came to my… problem. Wrath was too young to understand and mom would just send me to the hospital again, and I couldn't stand that. It was too bright. Greed helped me. Sure, sometimes he was a jackass, but other times… other times he was the best brother ever.

"Well, keep your eyes closed. And Envy… tell me about him. And don't deny it, I know you too well."

I took a deep breath to steady myself, then, so quiet I could barely hear myself say it…

"His name is Edward Elric."

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**(Edward's POV)**

The _clink swish_ sound of silverware and dishes being washed was the only sound I heard outside my bedroom Saturday night, my ear pressed to the door. It seemed safe enough to go out for now and I slipped out my room silently, desparate to stayed unnoticed. I'd managed to stay clear of my dad for Friday, keeping myself shut up in my room and only going out to eat dinner quickly, avoiding any and all topics involving school. I hadn't really thought about Envy that much, just the occaisional odd and unwelcome flash of memory when I'd first seen him in the shadow of the church. My stomach clenched whenever the image of those unearthly eyes were brought to my attention once more by simply seeing something purple. But that was yesterday. It was Saturday evening now, and I had to brave the risks of venturing outside my room because I had to pee. I froze in the hallway, suddenly hearing the refridgerator door open and the sound of a can being open. Holding back a million and one curses that were waiting to be fired out I sprinted headlong the rest of the way, panting and leaning against the door once I'd made it.

Dad had gotten into drinking ever since mom died, not every single day getting hammered, no. He still had work, had a job to support us. But every Saturday, he cracked open several beers and got just wasted enough to have the mental clarity to find out just how to make my life a living hell. Resisting was useless, I could lock the door to my room and hide under my bed, and he would take a battering ram to my door and burn my bed. So let me say this perfectly clear, I hate the weekends.

I left the bathroom just in time to hear the second_ pop_ of a can opening and my dad sigh before taking his drink. I began to creep back to my room, barely daring to breathe, but then I heard it. Never before have I wanted to be able to melt through walls as much as I did at that one moment.

"Hey Ed! C'mere!" My dad's words were already slurring slightly, he never was much of a heavyweight when it came to drinking. In a few more I could correctly assume that he'd be passed out on the couch.

Reluctantly, I turned away from the direction of my room, my safe haven and made my way back to the living room, where my father sat with a goofy smile on his face, a can of beer in one had and several others on the table in front of him. Three were already empty. Crap, he'd had more than I thought. Regret pooled in my stomach but I stayed standing, keeping my expression blank, even though my mind was screaming to run. In my fight-or-flight instinct, flight was dominant and I wanted to obey it so bad right now. But instead, I stood my ground, knowing running would only make it worse.

"Yeah, dad?" I forced a smile; feeling like my face would crack.

"How was school, kiddo? You never told me," his expression darkened somewhat and I barely checked my reaction to flinch. He was a moody drunk, I had to watch my words or else things could get bad fast.

"It was alright, dad. I met the new student."

"Oh? What's he like?"

"I don't know. He's in my government class and my lunch, that's about it."

"What's his name?"

"Envy Jones."

There was a pause as his eyes narrowed and his smile became a frown. He watched me carefully, surveying my reaction to saying the name. I kept my smile in place, willing myself not to blush for once in my life. I must have succeeded because he settled again, grin returning.

"That's a weird name. Well, he's new. Invite him over, I'd like to meet him and I bet he could use a friend."

I blinked, not able to hold back my surprise. He must have been drunk, never in a million years would I have expected those words to come from his mouth. He wanted to meet someone, wanted me to be _friends_ with another _guy_? I swallowed before speaking, choosing my words carefully.

"Well if you really think so, I could ask him. I don't really think we have that much in common…"

"Nonsense! You don't really hang out with anyone anymore. What happened to Roy? I liked that boy."

Shit. The curse came to my mind before I could stop it, warning bells ringing loud and clear in my head. This was a trap; there was no way in hell I'd be able to get out of this situation without something bad happening. He'd planned this; I knew it had to be true. My heart fluttered like a hummingbird who drank six shots of espresso and I worked to find a response that would make this all go away, but apparently he wasn't waiting for me to speak.

"Oh right, I remember what happened," his grin grew savage, eyes narrowed viciously, "Roy found out you're a freak of nature. That you're an oddity and unwelcome in this world. And when he brought the truth to light, you fought him. And now you're at a holy school to try and fix your problem. But then again, nothing about you can be fixed, can it? After all…"

He was up faster than I thought he could have been, grabbing me by the front of my shirt and hurling me out into the hallway. I hit the ground hard and slid until I slammed into a wall, biting my lip to keep myself from crying out in pain. It had all been a trick, luring me into a false sense of security. Making me think that dad actually wanted me to lead a normal life, with friends who didn't turn against me. He leaned in close, pulling my head back by the hair so that I was forced to look at him. He scoffed, shoving me up to my feet and sending me down the hall. I took off running, as he laughed and called out after me, voice cold and harsh and broken.

"After all it was your fault mom died!"

I gasped, scrambling into my room and slamming the door shut, sliding down against it, hands clutching at my heart. This was worse than usual. He never had said that before, never even hit me before. But this time he freaking _threw_ me out into the hallway.

"Oh, but do invite Envy over! I do want to meet him!"

And he laughed and laughed as I willed myself not to cry, no matter how much I wanted to.

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**I kind of hate myself for writing this chapter, but I needed to give you a glimpse into their lives at home. Yeah, poor Ed. I almost cried T-T.**


	4. Rules

_**Gegen Gott.**_

--Pockymonx3

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_**Chapter Four—Rules**_

**A.N: Ever wonder what the sound of a fangirl trying to hold back a squeal sounds like? It's a weird "ki ki ki ki ki" sound. Or at least, that's what it sounds like when I do it. Thought you should know that. For some reason, that was me while writing this chapter.**

**Thank you for the reviews and yeah, I know, Lust and Gluttony as parents is a very amusing mental image.**

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**(Edward's POV)**

Thank the heavens when Monday rolled round, it was a blessing to see the bright halls of Holy Cross after the hell my weekend had been. Dad of course remembered everything he had said and apologized for it, but it didn't do anything to help. Oddly enough, though, in his guilt he did give me permission to invite a friend over. I rolled my eyes, like I had any friends. I was going up the stairs to the second floor where my first class was, when I saw someone fall down the flight in front of me, shaking and panting heavily. I recognized the long black hair almost immediately and rushed to help Envy up. But someone got there before me, two boys from our government class. They stood over him, making no move to help the boy on the floor up. They laughed, one going so far as to put his foot on Envy's back to prevent him from getting up. I was close enough to hear what they were saying.

"Think you're cool because you stand out, eh?" One sneered, the one with his foot on Envy's back.

"Well, Envy? He wants an answer."

"Nobody thinks you're cool because you like to break the rules."

"Hey!" I called, knowing that this could only get worse. The people at this school were vicious, none of them the good, God-loving Catholics they pretended to be. And these two were notorious bullies. I climbed the rest of the stairs to stand besides Envy, shoving the one with his foot on his back away. "I think he's cool."

They laughed at this, but I could see they were wary with their actions now. Probably thought I was a mute all this time and were struck dumb by the fact that _I_ had spoken up for this stranger. It didn't stop them from taking a step closer to me, standing tall over my small size. I felt the first prick of annoyance, people flaunting how tall they were around me was strike one.

"Oh yeah? Hah, the shrimp thinks the freak is cool!" Strike two.

"Ha-ha. Hey, pipsqueak, why don't you go back to play with the rest of your kindergarten?"

And I'm pretty sure that was just four strikes. I met the eyes of the one directly in front of me without fear, fists clenched tightly. They couldn't intimidate me, no matter what. I would have said something, but the bell rang right then and they took off running, completely ignoring me. I hissed out a breath, baring my teeth in their direction before turning to Envy, who was just now stirring on the floor. I crouched down, offering my hand when he tilted his head up to look at me. His eyes were dazed and blank, but the expression soon turned to one of relief when he saw it was me. He smiled faintly, taking my hand.

"Hey, Edward. Thanks."

His voice was soft, just above a whisper. I met his eyes, standing slowly and helping him up, my free hand resting on his shoulder to help with his balance. We stood like that for I don't even know how long, just staring at each other. His thumb was moving in smooth, slow circles on my hand and he didn't seem to be aware of it. His mouth was opened slightly, as if surprised to find me there. I felt as though I was in a trance, not wanting to move away and not able to even if I wanted to. I took my hand from his shoulder to hold his other hand, taking a step closer. It seemed as though time had frozen in just this one space, just him and I. My brain tried to work, to operate, and when it did I realized what was going on and blushed slightly, stepping away and dropping his hands like they were on fire.

"We're late for class," I told him, breaking eye contact. He didn't respond, only nodding slightly to show that he'd heard.

"I'll… be there later."

I blinked in shock, amazed that he had the nerve to be late to class. Without answering him I took off up the rest of the stairs, practically running to class. When I got in the door the teacher didn't even acknowledge me and I took my seat, all too aware that the other two from the stairs were glaring daggers at me.

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**(Envy's POV)**

I didn't feel like going to class at all now, especially if I had to face Edward after that embarrassing moment on the stairs. So here I was, staring at the reflection of myself in the bathroom mirror, wondering just what the consequences of skipping a class at a Catholic school were. Drink all the communion wine and go for a drive? Get hit by a nun? A nun on a tricycle? I couldn't help but laugh a little at the mental image accompanied with the thought, it was utterly ridiculous. I sighed, meeting the eyes of my reflection, happy mood from a moment ago vanishing. What had happened on the stairs had been a cruel, sick way to welcome the new kid. Did they honestly think that I meant to stand out? Well, I didn't. I just didn't want to be like everyone else in this freaking school. But apparently that was a crime in the eyes of God so he sent egotistical pricks to do his dirty work. Mirror me scowled as I did, disgusted with what had occurred. But then…

Edward had come to protect me. There was an ounce of male pride in me that rejected any thought of being grateful for someone else coming to my rescue, but the rest was pure gratitude. I'd been very close to dropping my pathetic act and leaping at the both of them, pummeling them until they were unrecognizable lumps of flesh. He'd stood up to them and I could almost feel the air around him drop several degrees when they'd made fun of his height, icy with rage. I would have bet money that if the bell hadn't rung at that moment he would've torn them a new one. And then he was a perfect gentleman, going to offer me his hand to help me up. I smiled at the mere memory of his hand holding mine. Sure, it was just a friend helping a friend, but what occurred afterwards wasn't.

He'd taken my other hand in his and we'd spent an immeasurable moment simply staring at each other. Those golden eyes captured mine and I felt a pull towards him, almost like an electric current, as he took a step to me. Then something flickered in his eyes and the moment was gone away, his face turning an adorable light pink color. He'd stammered about being late but I'd barely heard it from cloud nine where I was flying so high. I replied with nonchalance, not really caring to go to class anyway now.

But now that he was gone I felt like a complete and utter fool for what'd I done. I bet he didn't even swing that way, just probably… something. Hell if I knew, my mind was nowhere near functional right now. For right now, I didn't really feel like doing any thinking, or moving for that matter.

It was lunchtime where I'd finally gotten motivation to leave the bathroom and I sat with Edward at his table, making him jump and look up, startled, when he saw me. He smiled slightly, but his eyes flickered to the table to our right, where the two from the stairs were. They'd turned to give the death stare to me, which I promptly ignored, returning Ed's smile pleasantly.

"So, you never came to Gov, everything all right?" he asked, voice full of concern and worry. I felt my smile widen, that was for me.

"Yeah, just didn't want to be in the same room as those two so soon after it, y'know?" I replied, shrugging it off like it was nothing.

He was silent for some time after that, only murmuring a small 'oh' in response to what I'd said. He seemed to be thinking about something, eyes looking away to the floor, more playing with his food than actually eating it. His teeth were latched onto his lower lip, chewing it contemplatively. He mumbled something, glancing back up at me and turning pink again. I leaned closer, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Pardon?"

"?"

His words were quick and strung together haphazardly; it took me a moment to decode what he'd said. 'Would you like to hang out this Friday?' I honestly think my face could have snapped in half right then I was grinning so big. I'd have to ask mom, but she'd most likely say yes. I told him that and he smiled timidly, clearly happy but wary to show it. I felt a stab of sympathy, wondering what could make him hesitant to show that he was happy.

He tore a page out from his notebook, jotting down his phone number and directions to his house, handing it to me silently. Then lunch was over and we parted ways, me still grinning like an idiot. Now, not even the stares and whispers bothered me. Oh man, wait until Greed heard this…

And it goes without saying, mom had said yes.

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**Yay! They get to hang out x3. I'm going to enjoy writing the next few chapters immensely.**

**And as always, please review!**


	5. Tension

**A.N: The half-asleep mind is an odd thing, ne? I kept seeing this story playing out on my ceiling last night. Like a movie, it was kind of awesome. I'm proud of myself because, in almost every story I've written, I've never gotten past the fifth chapter. But look! This one is all done up nice and pretty! I think I shall decorate it with a bow… I think I should stop babbling, too. Yes? Yes. **

**Thank you for the reviews, I'm still overjoyed that people actually like my story ^^. I implore you to keep it up!**

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**(Edward's POV)**

I really shouldn't have such a bad feeling about today. Friday. The day Envy was to come over.

School had passed in a blur, I could only vaguely recall what had happened, and the memory was dull, unfocused. Like I had been in a pool and when I came out, there was chlorine in my eyes and water in my ears, muting everything. Which is weird, because I didn't even go swimming today, I didn't even have PE.

And now it was after school, and Envy had just called to say he was on his way. To make things even better, dad had to go on a last-minute business trip and still said that it was okay for me to have a friend over. Dad would be gone until tomorrow afternoon, most likely later. So sure, he'd be back, but maybe I wouldn't have to deal with his drunken self. Maybe he would just pass out from a long day of working, not even to touch his alcohol for the night. I couldn't help the bubble of hope that kept resurfacing every time I realized that my luck just might have been turning around. I didn't want to question it too much in case it turned out to be just another dream. Now that would just stink to high heavens.

I was dressed in black jeans and a matching tank top, just tying my braid in place, when I heard the knock on the front door. I couldn't help but giggle like a little girl as I dashed down the hall, nearly slipping and falling into the door. Oh yeah, that'd be just oodles of fun. I opened the door a crack, blinking in shock at what I saw there. Sure, it was Envy but…

"Did something eat your head?" I asked, opening the door up fully to take him in. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt despite the fact that it was late November, but that was really nothing compared to his head. His green-black hair was sticking out in all possible directions, reminiscent of a palm tree. It was held back out of his face by a thick black headband, and somehow still managed to fall in front of his eyes slightly. He laughed out loud at that, grinning.

"No, this is what happened when I don't wet it down. I wake up in the morning, comb it as much as I can, and it's still like this," he cheerfully informed me.

I stepped back, gesturing for him to come in. A car with whom I could assume was his mother pulled out of the driveway, speeding away quickly. He entered, looking around with open curiosity. I walked on ahead, leading him ahead to the living room. The TV was on, a bowl of popcorn on the table in front of the couch. He smiled, tilting his head to one side, eyes flickering between the TV and me.

"Movie?" he asked.

I nodded, gesturing to a stack of DVDs on the table. "Take your pick."

I took a seat on the couch while he went through his choices, humming softly under his breath. It only took him a moment before he smiled, splitting the stack in half, plucking a DVD between two fingers. He held it up to me and I nodded my approval when I saw the over. _Underworld: Evolution_. I personally hadn't watched it in a while, but I liked it last time I saw it. I pressed a button on a remote by the popcorn, opening the disc player thing; yeah, technical terminology was not my forte. He popped in the disc and flopped down onto the couch with me. The opening began, filling the room with a riot of sound and images, plenty of blood on the screen. But, oddly enough, I felt my eyes drooping, the poor sleep I'd had the night before finally catching up to me. That dream of the swirling red lines had returned, hurting me with the suffocated feeling it brought along with it. I had woken up a few minutes after midnight and hadn't been able to fall back asleep until an hour or so before my alarm went off. That, and school had drained me, those two from the stairs had kept up their glaring and people began to notice. I heard whispered rumors around every corner and it was making me paranoid. Ignoring it was becoming a bother and I was just plain worn out.

I slid down slightly, propping my feet up on the table in front of me. Besides me, Envy stirred slightly at my own movement, a hand going to rest on the empty space on the cushion between us. In my half-asleep mind I vaguely understood that I was feeling that compulsion to touch him yet again, but I didn't have the mental clarity to fight back against it this time. I brushed my fingertips across the back of his hand gently, a small smile curving the corners of my lips upwards at the feel of his skin.

He responded by turning his hand so the palm faced the ceiling and laced his fingers through mine, squeezing it lightly. I felt myself turn pink, the unfamiliar contact sending an equally unfamiliar response down my spine. It commanded me to do what I didn't have the strength to fight in the state I was in, and so I complied willingly. I leaned against him, smile widening at the feel of his warmth against my side. My head rested against his shoulder, rising and falling with the even rhythm of his breathing. Beneath my ear I could hear the dull roar of his blood through his veins, sounding like exactly like it did when I pressed my palm against my ear.

That sound soothed me, and soon the sounds of the movie became dull. I was held to the waking world only by the feel of Envy's hand holding mine, but soon even that grew distant. Sleep pulled me under, a stern master that would not tolerate being disobeyed now. I moved closer to my living pillow and succumbed to its orders.

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**(Envy's POV)**

We were holding hands. It was a good thing his head was on my shoulder, _on my shoulder_, so that he couldn't see my smile. His fingers seemed delicate, intertwined with mine on the small space between us. My heart was pounding in my chest, buzzing in my temples with excitement. We were holding hands, and he was the one to start it. I just simply couldn't get over that fact. I was half-tempted to put my arm over his shoulders, to pull him even closer to me, but the other half of me, the half with some measure of common sense, was worried that it would be seen as taking things too far. So I ignored the temptation like a good Catholic schoolboy (yeah, right) and did my best to focus on the movie before me. Which soon became increasingly difficult when I heard Edward's breathing slow to the even pace of someone at rest. I suspected he would have fallen asleep sooner or later, during school today he had looked utterly horrible, practically dead on his feet. The few times I had tried to speak with him during lunch had produced little reaction from him, no more than a single word response. His golden eyes had been dazed, with slightly dark circles around his eyes from a sleepless night. Resting would do him some good, he deserved it.

His head slid down from my shoulder, falling slowly down my chest and stomach to rest with the side of his face nestled against, oh yeah, the most perfect place for him to be, my lap. I bit back a curse, thinking to myself, '_If only he were awake._' Then… the things I would do with his head in my lap… Shit, no. I would not get hard with Edward's head positioned oh-so-painfully near my crotch. I bit my lip, grip on his hand tightening somewhat in a vain attempt to wake him back up. But, then again, if he did wake up, I would be forced to explain what his head was doing there in the first place, not to mention the issue my wandering mind was bringing to life. No matter how much I wished it, I could not deny the fact any more.

I _wanted_ Edward. Much more than a friend should want him. I barely knew anything about him, and yet here I was, with him, and wanting nothing more than to wake him up and ravage him. But I felt deep shame in the realization, knowing that the boy laying on me only wanted to be my friend, and it was wrong for me to think these things if they would never happen. I bit my lip, looking down at his peaceful, sleeping form, breathtakingly sweet and innocent in his relaxed, almost benign expression. And I smiled.

I could be his friend; I could suppress these emotions I felt stirring in me if it would mean that I could stay by him. With my free hand I gently brushed his bangs out of the way of his face, laughing softly as he whined in his sleep, stirring slightly at my touch. Friends could do this, friends could be each other's company, and they were meant to. Friends could… friends could love. Not like lovers could, not with heat and passion and endless nights together, but with soft words, compassion and companionship. I could be that kind of friend to Edward, until he was ready for me to be more. If he was ever ready.

I yawned slightly; feeling myself grow tired just simply looking at the sleeping male before me. Well… we'd probably wake up when the movie ended. I shifted slowly and carefully, not wanting to wake Edward up. I lay down on the couch, moving so that the other boy was at my side, between my body and the back of the couch, and I rested my head on the arm of the sofa. He seemed to respond in his sleep, snuggling in tight against my side, one of his arms going to clutch my waist, the other wrapped around himself. I smiled and put my arms around him as he moved to rest his head over my chest, right above my heart that was still beating so fast.

'_Just for a few moments…' _I thought as my eyes slipped shut, just as I heard a cry call out from the movie. Oh well, it didn't mean much now.

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I personally love this chapter, it just seems so sweet to me. And I bet you can probably guess where they made their mistake and what's going to happen next. Well, for the most part. :3

**Please review, my little lovelies of love and happiness.**

**And an extra thank you for being so patient with the slowness of my updates. I can't get on a computer that often, so it takes .er.**


	6. Like Cherries

**A.N: This is one of my favorite chapters in the story, just so you know. I got bored during school, and so it resulted in my planning out what's going to happen for the rest of the story. And since that's now the case, I'm uber motivated to finish it now! If only I could update more often… :head/desk:**

**Just thought you deserved that little glimpse into what's been going on.**

**And look! Two updates in one day! YAY!  
**

**Ehm, right… you want the story now…**

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**(Edward's POV)**

_Mmm… it's so warm…_

Soft, strong arms encircled me, holding me tight against the comfortable warmth. I tried to burrow closer, my hands tightening on the soft fabric that I held. I let out a soft sigh, nuzzling my cheek against a flat surface, under which I head a steady beating. Golden light, stained orange beneath my eyelids, burned into my pupils. I stirred, muttering a protest and holding the warmth tighter, not wanting to give it up by waking up. But… it seemed like the form I clung to was in the waking world. I opened my eyes slowly, squinting at the morning light that streamed through the window in the living room. And once my eyes adjusted, I felt the heat flood my face in such extreme embarrassment I thought I might die. Right at that moment I wanted nothing more than to melt into the couch and hide for the rest of eternity, never to be seen or heard from again.

Envy was lying on the couch with his arms around me, face nuzzling my hair. I had one of my arms draped across his waist, holding onto him tightly, and my head rested on the joint that connected his arm to his body. Slowly I maneuvered myself so that I could tip my head up and get a glimpse of what a sleeping Envy looked like. If my face could have turned an even darker shade of red, in that moment it would have.

Our faces were nearly touching and the image before me blurred slightly before I focused. His expression was calm, serene, with just the hint of a smile on his lips. His eyes were closed, but as if sensing someone watching him, the eyelids flickered and opened a little bit, arms tightening around me. I accidentally let out a small squeak when the movement had brought my mouth dangerously close to his. My mind was drifting down to places it was not meant to drift and I tried to pull away. His eyes slid slowly open as I did so, his violet gaze meeting my golden one with sleepy confusion.

"E-Edward? What're you doing in my bedroom?"

All right, now I was pretty sure I was as red as I could get. He thought I was in his _bed_? What on earth would make him think that? Wait… never mind, I didn't want to know. I pulled my arm away from him, putting it awkwardly behind me. It felt odd and wrong and I quickly did my best to smother that feeling.

"Um… Envy, this is my living room, on my couch, and I'm pretty sure we both fell asleep while watching the movie."

Sure enough, the TV was still on, the screen gone into hibernation mode. He made an attempt at a sentence that ended in an incoherent jumble, sitting up quickly enough that my head simply slid down to his hip. I scrambled to sit up as well, brushing my bangs out of the way of my face. We were silent for a moment, neither of us looking at each other. I was pretty sure both of us were wondering why his mom hadn't called or come to pick him up yet. I was turning to ask him when there was the sharp trill of the phone ringing. I leaned over the arm of the sofa and picked up the phone, not checking the caller ID.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver.

"Oh, hello. I'm Lust, Envy's mom? Is he there?"

"Uh, sure. He's right here. One moment…"

I handed the phone to Envy, mouthing 'your mom' to him. He smiled for a moment at me, his cheeks a light pink color, before holding the phone up to his ear.

"Hey mom, what's up?"

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**(Envy's POV)**

"Hey mom, what's up?"

"Honey! Thank goodness, I was starting to worry that something bad happened!" Lust's voice didn't sound an ounce worried for me, more like overly excited. I rolled my eyes to Edward, still smiling at the dark blush he wore.

"Nah, don't worry. We both accidentally fell asleep during the movie. I had no clue I'd sleep through the entire night." I hope no one else heard the innuendo that I hadn't noticed I'd let slip in there…

"Oh, alright. Well…" a pause and then I could practically hear the smile in her voice. "How was it?"

"For the first few minutes I was awake, the movie was good."

"Anything else happen?"

"No, not yet."

"Yet?"

I didn't respond to her question, instead putting the phone down and covering the mouthpiece with my hand so Lust couldn't hear.

"What time do you want me gone?" I asked Edward. He paused for a moment, thinking.

"Before noon," he whispered to me before looking away from me again. My smile only grew. I picked the phone back up and spoke.

"Mom, could you pick me up some time before noon?"

"Sure sure, no problem. Be ready." Click.

I sighed, hanging up the phone and handing it back to Ed. He set it back down and stood up, stretching. The bottom of his shirt slid up a bit as he did so, exposing the pale skin on his stomach. I was distracted by it, that and the fact that I spied a little curl of golden hair leading down to the front of his pants. I almost died right then and there, grinning wide. Helloooo happy trail. You could make me a very happy Envy indeed…

"It's kind of um… eleven thirty right now."

His voice shocked me from my happy fantasies and I jumped slightly, alarmed that it was that late already. I stood as well, stretching my arms above my head and arching my back. I was satisfied, to say the least, when I saw Edward's eyes drift down to look at my skin as well. I took a step towards him, almost automatically feeling an electric tension in the air as I invaded his personal bubble. He was so small compared to me… so adorable.

"What do you want to do until your mom comes?" he asked, turning to face me, startled by how close I was. Tentatively, I reached a hand out and touched his gently. He grabbed mine on an impulse, I think, looking up at me. That same feeling from the stairs overwhelmed me, commanding me to move closer to him. We weren't in school anymore, and no one was home… I saw no reason to fight against it now. I took another step, leaning my head down close to his. He seemed to be under the same trance as me and went up onto his tiptoes to try to get closer. My eyes slipped close slowly as I closed the distance between our mouths hesitantly. And when I did… I didn't think I could stop.

The moment my lips touched his he let out a small mewling sound that made my stomach clench. I moved the hand that was holding his to his waist, my other going to cup the back of his neck. His mouth was soft and giving under mine, willing to do anything. I tilted my head to one side and deepened the kiss. Our lips seemed to meld together, fitting perfectly as if they were meant to be that way, missing puzzle pieces finally matched. My tongue flicked against his bottom lip, causing him to hesitate for a moment before it clicked what I wanted, and then he obliged by opening his mouth slightly. I slid my way past his teeth to explore inside slowly, only stopping when his tongue touched mine. His taste was divine, sweet like cherries and chocolate mixed together and I emitted a soft noise in the back of my throat in response to it.

All the while my brain seemed to have shorted out from the impossibility of the moment. How could this good and decent Catholic schoolboy be kissing me, _me, _of all people? Unless there was some crucial fact that I was missing, I was pretty sure that this kind of thing was not suppose to happen. My heart seemed to be lodged in my throat, my knees gone shaky from this. If it was medically possible, I was almost certain that butterflies were in my stomach.

The way he kissed was gentle and nervous, like he was afraid of something. Our tongues mingled together, each curious of the other and wanting more. But, like most kisses of this kind, it was interrupted just before it had a chance to get to the good part. Someone. Was going. To. Die.

There was a knock on the door, followed by someone calling our names in a voice that I sadly realized as my mother's. We broke apart reluctantly, our mouths swollen slightly. Ed's eyes were wild and dazed, his cheeks flushed and mouth still open in shock. Damn those lips of his, they were all too kissable for their own good. I brushed my lips across his once more before going to answer the door.

Lust was standing there, in all her Lust-y glory. Black hair curling down to her hips, in a dress that was much to exposing for a woman of her age, regardless of how well she looked. She smiled when she saw me, and Edward hiding timidly behind me. She sent him a friendly wave and a smile.

"Hi, Edward! Nice to meet you! I'm Lust Jones, Envy's mom," she said. He mumbled a reply from behind my back. I turned to see him looking away, face dark red. Like cherries… Mm… cherries.

"Bye, Ed. Thanks for having me over," I said quietly. He looked up, smiling and saying goodbye. I walked out of the door and he shut it behind me.

In the car on the way back home, Lust broke the silence with a question that made me grin.

"So… how was it?"

I paused a moment, chewing contemplatively on my lower lip, looking out the window. Finally, I couldn't hold it back anymore and so I said it quietly, in disbelief.

"We kissed."

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**Indeed they did kiss. I love writing kissing scenes, they make me smile. **

**Please review, my little duckies.**

…**Does anyone even read my weird little notes?**


	7. Phone Call

_**Gegen Gott.**_

--Pockymonx3

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_**Chapter Seven—Phone Call**_

**A.N: Hello wee beasties (I read a book that said that in there multiple times, I loved it)! So then, here's chapter 7. Thank you so much for the reviews, they make me smile. I don't really have much to say this time, except I'm back to hating myself for having to write this chapter. But I find it kinda sweet… Anyways, here it is.**

**And if you've noticed, I've taken to calling you all strange little names. It's just how I am. It means I luff you all X3.**

**Oh and asterisks (*) mean a time skip has taken place.**

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**((Edward's POV))**

Saturday night. The sun had just begun to fall when the shock of what had occurred had finally started to wear off. My lips still tingled from the kiss and I kept brushing my fingers against them trying to get it to go away. My mind kept replaying the scene in slow motion, right up to the moment when our lips had met. I felt my knees go shaky just thinking about it again. About how he held me and how his mouth had massaged mine, so soft and warm. It had been simply amazing and the best moment in my entire life. Not to mention my… my first kiss.

I had dated times before and sure, we'd kissed, but it was nothing like that. Those kisses were just quick little pecks whenever we could get them in. Kissing Envy had been real, had been good enough to be classified as my first kiss. It was a strange thought and oddly enough, I didn't mind. It made a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing that my first kiss was from another male but it didn't really matter to me. It made me happy…

I was laying on my bed, wondering about it, when I heard something that made my good mood vanish instantly and reality came crashing back down. It was Saturday night, and dad had come back a few hours ago. We'd been decent and polite to each other when he'd first come back, but now… I heard the sound of a can being open. I let out a small whimper, rolling to my side and curling up in a ball. '_Please just let him pass out. Please…_' I thought to myself, closing my eyes up tight.

Of course, I could never be that lucky.

"'Eyy Eddo! C'mout here!" the slurred words were muffled by my door but I heard them all the same and it made me want to run away, bad shivers twisting up my spine. Ignoring it wouldn't make it go away, sadly, it would most likely make it worse. So I steeled myself and rose, leaving the sanctuary of my room for the battleground outside.

He was on the couch; his second beer can in hand. No stupid grin was on his face now; he was staring at me intently through slitted eyes. I stood by the entryway to the living room, arms crossed over my chest in a way of protection. I stayed silent until he decided to talk, wincing at the icy tone of his words.

"So then, kiddo, how was having your friend over yesterday?"

He was over more than just yesterday, but I didn't say that. That would only have made things so, so much worse than they already were turning out to be.

"It was alright. We watched a movie and then his mom took him home." Pretty true, I just left out the part where we slept until today and kissed.

"That's good. I feel bad that I wasn't able to be here, I would have liked to meet him."

'_I'm sure you would have _loved_ to meet him,'_ I thought scathingly, doing my best not to return his cold glare.

"It's all right dad. You can always meet him some other time…" And then I realized I'd stepped on a landmine. Figuratively, of course. Literally would just have been too painless of a death.

"Oh? So you want to see him again? Why ever would that be, Edward?"

"B-because he's nice and h-he wants to be my f-friend," I answered with as strong a voice as I could muster right then, so of course it was trembling and stuttering.

He was about to speak but then the shrill ring of the phone cut through whatever comment was on the tip of his tongue. He stared me down for a moment before picking it up, answering it with a gruff "hello?"

He grinned dangerously and I felt my stomach fall to my knees, taking a small step back. But I froze again when he spoke again.

"Sure thing, Envy, Ed's right here. One moment."

A pause as he cocked his arm back, eyes focusing in on me as he took aim. I barely had time to register what was going on before he yelled, not caring what the boy on the other line thought of it.

"It's for you, freak!" and he hurled the phone at me.

The phone hit home, dead center in my face. My eyes watered from pain and I just barely caught it before it fell to the floor. With a broken sob and a watery glare at my dad, I took off running for my room with the phone clutched to my chest. I slammed the door and slid down against it before holding the phone up to my ear, taking in deep, shaky breaths before finally speaking. And when I did, my voice sounded strangled and kept cracking.

"H-Hello. Envy? Um… you called at a really bad time…"

"Yeah, I can tell. What's going on over there, Edward?" his voice was completely concerned and I had to bite my lip to keep a new round of tears from coming.

"I-it's my dad. H-he's in a bad mood and… oh God, Envy. Oh God…" I started to babble incoherently, crying hard and breaking down my weak resolve.

"There, there. It's gonna be all right. Is there anything I can do?" when he asked that all I could remember was earlier today, his lips on mine. He could get my lost in his kiss… he could make the pain go away. Over the odd thoughts circling around in my mind, I heard my voice speaking, surprisingly clear but still weak.

"Please… Please come and take me away."

There was an immeasurable pause on the other end and for a moment I thought he hand hung up on me. I was just about to give up and just do my best to hide for the rest of the night when he spoke.

* * *

**((Envy's POV))**

Man, today had been an excellent day. I was still dazed and in my happy place when we pulled into the driveway at home, a stupid smile on my stupid face. I got out of the car and entered my house, almost immediately being tackled by Greed and Wrath. They started talking at the same time, each voice holding curiosity and overlapping so easily that I found myself getting slightly dizzy from it. I held up my hands for a moment of peace, gathering myself before gesturing to Greed to allow him to speak. Wrath pouted, obviously wanting to have his questions answered first.

"Dad's working. Speak. Now. You are not to leave anything out. If you do, Wrath will be certain to chop off that mess you call hair in your sleep."

I chuckled and shook my head but started my story, knowing full well that what Greed had said was not an idle threat. Wrath would do it and do it with joy.

"Okay, we were watching a movie and accidentally fell asleep. When we woke up, it was today. I called mom, we kissed, mom interrupted—" there was a quick shout of 'I'm sorry' from somewhere in the kitchen "—Just like that. And then I came home, where I am proceeding to tell you this story. Now the press may ask questions, starting with you there, the short one with the anger problem."

After muttering something profane and sticking his tongue out at me, Wrath asked, "How was the kiss?" Which, of course, brought a blush to my cheeks.

"It was nice… okay, more than nice, it was absolutely amazing. He tasted like cherries and his lips were so soft and—" Greed made a gagging sound to stop me, grinning.

"And now for you, the one who sucks at video games. Your question?"

"Wrath already had his turn, it's mine!" Greed said, laughing at my poor attempt at picking on him. "And I think my question is much more important than his, anyways. Soooo~" he did that evil smile that made me regret picking him, "how much do you like him?"

No 'do you like him?' or 'does he like you?'. Sigh, he knew me all too well. I did like Edward. Liked him enough that thoughts of him had consumed me for days and I caught myself wondering about what he was doing more than once. It wasn't just the kiss, it had begun much, much earlier than that. When we'd first met by the cathedral, I'd felt a pull towards him, with his beautiful eyes and silken hair. He was like a magnet to me, I could try as hard as I wanted to pull away, but I wasn't able to stay away from him from long. I bit my lip, wondering a bit on Greed's question before answering.

"I don't know. A lot, more than just friends. But I don't love him." Yet…

"Are you going to ask him on a real date?"

They'd both asked at the same time and I blinked a few times in shock. Holy… they were on the same wavelength for once. Something was most definitely up with that.

"I-I don't know… I'd like to…"

"Well, stupid, go ahead and do it! Right now! He's probably still fantasizing about your sweet lips right now!" Greed said, causing my blush to darken considerably. If he kept this up, I might be forced to throttle him.

"I will… later."

* * * * * * * *

It was later. The sun was just starting to set on my amazing day when I finally got up the courage to call Edward. So here I was, sitting on my bed with the home phone in hand, staring at it blankly. I had dialed and re-dialed his number numerous times, each time something kept me from actually calling him. My stomach got twisted into nervous knots as I stared down at the small device in my shaking hands. How could a single communication thing seem so evil right now? I took in a deep breath, pressing the buttons my fingers had memorized by now. And then I hit the call button.

_Ring._

Maybe he wasn't home… I mean, his dad could have taken him somewhere, right? He had said that his dad was coming home in the afternoon, and it was well past then now…

_Ring._

I almost hung up, not wanting to leave a message and not knowing when the answering machine would pick up. Did they even have an answering machine? Or would the endless ringing drive me mad?

Right as the third ring was about to begin, there was a click and someone answered. I could practically smell the alcohol through the phone as whoever it was slurred out something that vaguely sounded like a greeting. Whoever it was he was most certainly not my Edward. Wait… my Edward? When did I start thinking that?

"Um yes… Hello, Mr. Elric? This is Envy Jones, Edward's friend that was over yesterday? I was just wondering if Edward was there…"

"Sure thing, Envy, Ed's right here. One moment."

There was a moment's pause and then I heard something like wind on the other line, followed by a heavy thud that didn't sound good at all. In the background I heard a drunken shout, something that ended in what sounded like 'freak'. I didn't heard anything for a moment except for the telltale rhythm of footsteps and then the slamming of a door.

"H-Hello. Envy? Um… you called at a really bad time…" his voice sounded so small and broken that I could almost feel my heart shattering in sympathy for him. Whatever was going on down there, it wasn't good. At all.

"Yeah, I can tell. What's going on over there, Edward?"

"I-it's my dad. H-he's in a bad mood and… oh God, Envy. Oh God…" I heard heavy crying and felt my chest tighten a little bit. He started to babble, trying to tell me something even though it sounded like he was choking.

"There, there. It's gonna be all right. Is there anything I can do?"

"Please… Please come and take me away."

I let out a little gasp, clutching at the front of my shirt when he spoke it. That just ended any questioning I had about my feelings for him. I liked him, and hearing him sound so desperate made a fierce need to protect him rise up in me. When I answered, I was walking out of my room and found Lust on the couch watching TV. I stood in her line of vision, meeting her eyes with determination. I made my words as steady and reassuring as I could.

"I'm on my way."

* * *

**Nyah EX (it's like X3, but backwards. I've decided that I need to change things up a bit). It's sad, but sadly not the saddest thing in this story. Sad that I was able to say sad three times in that sentence, ne? And about the book with the wee beasties in it, it's called Leviathan by Scott Westerfield. You know that dude that wrote the Uglies and the Midnighters? Yeah, him. It was amazing beyond all belief. I sound like a cheesy advertiser, haha. **

**Please review as always, little dumplings! Mm… dumplings…**


	8. A Mistake

_**Gegen Gott.**_

--Pockymonx3

* * *

_**Chapter Eight—A Mistake**_

**A.N: Thank you all for the reviews. Yeah, Hohenheim is a prick in this story, I know. Everyone seems to hate him (wonder why…?).**

**Please review, lovies ^^.**

**Not much to say this time, so here it is.**

* * *

**((Envy's POV))**

Lust didn't even ask any questions, which just goes to show what a freaking awesome mom she was. I only had to look at her with what I could only guess was utter panic in my expression and she was off the couch in a second. I dashed out the front door and to her car with her following closely behind me. Only once we were in the car and there was no way to speed up the process without getting arrested did she start asking.

"Alright, honey. You look like your dog died, which is strange because we don't even own a dog."

It was a weak attempt at trying to make me smile, but I felt one corner of my mouth twitch up in response. Lust hated dogs, said they were ugly drooling beasts.

"It's Edward. Something's happening at his house. His dad's being mean to him or something, I don't know. I—I just don't know…"

"Relax, breathe, Envy. I'm almost speeding; we'll be there in about five minutes. He'll be alright until then, don't worry."

Five minutes. I myself knew all the bad things that could happen in just five minutes. I rested my head against the window, trying to calm myself with deep breaths. It would do no good to my Edward if I appeared there and I was almost as messed up as he sounded over the phone. So I just sat there, silently willing all of the traffic lights on the way to his house to turn green so I could get to him faster. My Edward.

* * * * * * * * *

It seemed relatively calm when we pulled into the driveway. The only light on that we could see was the living room light. I could see his dad there, on the couch watching TV. Blonde hair, shorter than Edward's, pulled back and secured loosely, a cleanly shaven beard, and glasses slipping down his nose. I don't know why, I just felt a sudden need to punch that man in the face. He was the reason Edward had sounded so broken and afraid over the phone, and I wanted to make him pay for it. The moment Lust had the car parked I was out of it, storming towards the house with the full intention of tearing Ed's dad a new hole to breathe out of but Lust grabbed my arm.

"Hold up there. I know, you want to go in there fists swinging, I understand. But let me handle his father, you go find Edward."

I gave her a sharp nod, could feel my entire body shaking with adrenaline. Sure, she wanted to reason with him, but I was ready to hit something. Exactly why she should lead the way. I sighed and forced myself calm as she lead the way to the house at a disgustingly slow pace. My Edward was in there, crying and afraid. I had to get in there and protect him, did she not get that? But no, she had to go slow and be courteous so no red flags would be raised. Damn being polite, damn it to hell. That thought derailed me like all my others had not. Did I honestly feel that strongly about him, a boy I barely knew, to damn things to hell? I didn't have any time to organize my thoughts, three sharp knocks snapped me back out of my mind to where we were now, right at the front door.

I heard a loud, rough grumbling coming from inside the house and the creak of furniture being relieved of a body. I held my breath, stepping in close behind lust and wrapping my arms around myself. The temperature had dropped quite a bit and the clouds were fathering in the sky. It wouldn't be much longer until it started to snow… and again my train of thought was interrupted, this time by a door swinging open.

"Who're you?" I was glad I was behind Lust so he couldn't see my nose wrinkle in disgust. The man practically oozed beer, I could smell it even from here. Lust's back tensed and I could feel her anger radiating out from her. One thing that she hated even more than dogs; alcohol.

"Hi! Um, I'm Lust Jones, Envy's mother. Envy here just forgot something at your house yesterday and we just thought we'd swing by so he could pick it up," Lust's lie was sugary sweet sounding, although you could have been deaf and heard the poorly concealed anger in my mother's voice. Except this guy, he seemed too trashed to even comprehend plain English.

"Sure, sure, C'min. M'Hohenheim, nice t'meetcha."

He stepped aside, calling back into the house something slurred that sounded vaguely like Edward's name. More like 'Edsomunshere!' than anything. But I heard a door open somewhere in the back of the house, followed by footsteps. And then my Edward came into view.

* * *

**((Edward's POV))**

I thought he had been kidding when he said he was on his way. But nope, there Envy was, standing with his mom. Her and my dad were talking about something in hushed voices but I was only aware of Envy's eyes on me.

"Hey ma, I'm gonna be grabbing the… thing… yeah," his voice sounded distracted as he made his way over to me.

I turned, leading the way to my room without a word. I was still amazed that he had actually come for me. And his mother was doing an excellent job of distracting dad so that Envy could sneak away. He was here. For me. The two thoughts didn't seem to be able to mix together. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, speeding my walk up and praying he would follow. I was so focused on just getting into my room that I didn't notice the rising voices behind me. We'd just heard the shout as I was shutting the door to my room, making sure to lock it tight.

"You're not taking my son from me!"

Whoa, clear speech. That alone made it a moment before I recognized the voice as my father. Whatever Lust had said seemed to have sobered him up quickly enough. But it also had pissed him off. I didn't think much on it because then I felt soft, strong arms around me, holding me tightly in a protective embrace. I turned and looked up to see Envy's face, open and caring. And I felt something inside me break while looking at that face. I think it might have been my willpower. I broke down into loud sobs and clutched his shirt in my hands to hold myself up.

His hands rubbed my back in smooth, warm circles as he murmured gibberish to me, which oddly enough made me feel better. As a matter of fact, everything about Envy made me feel better. His hands, his eyes, his smile, his lips, his kiss… I paused in my crying to meet his eyes, impulse taking hold of me again. I went forwards effortlessly and he met me without a moment's hesitation. There was something different about it this time, something slow and building and… right.

His lips brushed against mine with the slightest of pressure and time seemed to slow to a stop. I melted into his arms as I wrapped my own around him, holding him firmly in place. I knew my mouth must have tasted like tears but he didn't move away. His moved his head to the side slightly and I deepened the kiss, the mood suddenly changing. I was hungry to abandon myself in his soft lips. There was nothing, nothing other than Envy and I, locked in this foreign embrace. I heard my heart pounding in my ears, felt the silk of his hair as I twined it around my fingers. A sudden thought made me break away, though, breath heavy and odd emotions stirring in me. My stomach twisted into knots and I tried to hide my panic as best I could from Envy.

'_I'm starting to like a boy… not again.'_

* * *

**Bwahahaha! I make them kiss x3. Because kisses are very nice. I think they should kiss more, yes? This is a bit of a short chapter… I can't decide if that bothers me or not…**

**Next chapter is going to be a little bit of a flashback episode. Yay! Not yay? Oho, we shall see. **

**Here's a hint: MUSTANG.**

**Please review, my little dolls!**


	9. Blast From The Past

_**Chapter Nine—Blast From The Past**_

**A.N: Alrighty, all. Now you get to know a little bit more about Edward's history! I've decided that I don't like the last chapter, so I might edit it. I'll let you know if it does get changed (a high possibility).**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, chibi-dears! Don't ask, you're chibi-dears now. Either that or pockymonsters… I should actually write the story now, yes? Yes.**

**Dashes and italicized words mean flashbacks are occurring. In flashbacks, it is in third person.**

* * *

**((Edward's POV))**

That incident was easily patched over and ignored. It made dad realize that he _might_ have just a _tiny _drinking problem. Not that he did anything for it, oh of course not. But I did get permission to leave the house whenever he did start to drink again. I spent that time walking with Envy around the neighborhoods. We'd become good friends, doing nothing but walking and talking for hours until the sun was well below the horizon. I enjoyed spending time with him and did my best to ignore the… less-than-welcome feelings that were spinning in the pit of my stomach. I had developed a huge crush on the other male, just simply thinking about him made the blood come to my cheeks and stain it a dark red. On occasion I would find myself compelled once again to kiss him and to feel his hair between my fingers. If the moment were right, meaning that we were completely alone and secluded, I would give into that compulsion. Each time was just as sweet and addicting as the first. I knew that I should stop, that is was wrong and it was a sin. So every Wednesday when we had school mass, I prayed God for his forgiveness for my thoughts and my actions. I had no clue if He heard me or not, although I tried. Why me? Why did I have to have to deal with these emotions? Not to mention _again_.

I sighed, my eyes closing just as there was the sound of something being hit from the TV screen. It had been three months since the incident with Lust and my dad, making it February. Envy was over at my house again and we had dug up my old gaming system and were currently playing some odd game that we both had no idea how to play.

"Hey, you okay, Ed? You seem a bit distracted…" Envy spoke with his eyes still glued to the TV, but a small smile just for me was on his lips. I loved that smile. It was the kind you'd use when you had a secret you shared with only one other person and they understood. I managed to laugh, shaking my brooding thoughts away.

"Just wondering how on earth you're winning when all you're doing is pressing buttons."

He laughed outright and winked at me quickly. "It's a secret I will never tell!"

I rolled my eyes and threw the controller to the ground, giving up. I sank back into the couch, watching Envy as he beat away at the game, a look of utter concentration on his face. He was biting his lower lip as he jerked the controller hard one way, as if moving it would make the game character move as well. We didn't have that advanced a game system. Somewhere in the house a door opened and closed and I heard footsteps nearing the living room. I scooted away from Envy quickly, putting distance between us before someone saw how close we were. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him frown and I could feel a similar expression on my face. Then I heard my dad's voice behind me.

"Hey, Ed, look who showed up."

I turned around on reflex, curiosity automatically overcoming any thought. Never before had my dad sounded so… _pleasant_. As all things with my not thinking, I instantly began to regret it. The curse came to my lips, the first one I'd ever said.

"_Shit."_

* * *

_Valentine's day. His favorite holiday, like, ever. Nervous butterflies flickered around inside his stomach as he shifted nervously in his chair. The school day had just begun and he was ready to finally do it. Roy and him had been friends for forever, and it was time for him to tell him the truth. He bit his lip and tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. In he walked and Edward's stomach did happy little flips at the sight of him._

_Short black hair, dark blue eyes and a confident smirk on his face. He wore a dark button-up shirt and faded jeans, casual attire that suited him well. His smirk grew into a small grin when he saw Edward sitting in the back of the room. He took smooth strides towards him, each movement not missed by Edward's eyes. The blonde felt a small blush creep onto his cheeks and he glanced away before he did something stupid. No, that was for later._

"_Hey, Ed. How's it going?" Roy asked, sliding into the seat besides him. _

"_Pretty good. Happy Valentine's Day, Roy."_

_The dark-haired male chuckled and shook his head. "Happy Valentine's Day, dude." _

_* * * * * * *_

_Lunch time, and time for Edward to admit his feelings. It was hard to try and find the correct words to say. He was silent for most of the lunch, mind running through different ways to begin. None of it seemed right. He played idly with his food, eyes looking at the fake-wood design on the cafeteria tables. _'I'll just get right out and say it,'_ he thought with a faint sigh. If anything, it couldn't be that bad. Roy probably felt that way about him. They shared beds whenever they slept over and Roy didn't seem to have a problem with it. He glanced up to find the other male staring at him with a curious expression on his face. _

"_Everything okay?" Roy asked with a kind smile._

"_Roy, I have something to tell you," he said quickly before he had a chance to back down or second-guess himself. It was Valentine's Day, and one way or another their relationship would change now. Hopefully for the better._

_Roy raised an eyebrow and leaned forwards with his head in his hands. He gave a small nod, waiting patiently for him to go on._

"_I-I like you Roy."_

"_I like you too, Ed. You're my best friend."_

_Ed sighed. Roy didn't seem to understand what he was trying to say. He cleared his throat of his heart that was beating so loud he could hear it thrum in his ears. He had to say this clearly so there was no misunderstanding._

"_No, Roy. Not like that. I like you. As in, I want to date you."_

_The look on Roy's face was like a deer in the headlights and his mouth fell open slightly. Ed felt his spirits fall and his nerve crack. He made a mistake and he knew it immediately. But he doubted there was any way to turn back the clock now._

"_Y-you mean that you're gay?"_

_The accusatory tone to his voice made me speechless and all Ed could do was give him a small, shocked nod._

"_Well then. I had no idea my best friend was a freak."_

_His expression turned narrow and cruel, not at all like the Roy he knew. He'd always seemed so understanding and accepting, how could this have happened? Was he really that dense that he didn't even notice my own friend's close-mindedness? He tried to stammer out half-formed replies but he cut him off with a loud, harsh-sounding laugh._

"_Man, oh, man, that is priceless! And let me guess, you want me to say that I _love_ you. Oh, Edward. You're so beautiful. Lert's make gay babies together," his nose curled up in disdain as Ed could only sit there, feeling as if he was unable to move. The eyes' of the entire cafeteria were on them now and he could feel them burning into him. Whispers had started up and try as he might, he couldn't block it out._

"_Man, did you hear that?"_

"_Edward's gay? Holy shit, man. That's hilarious."_

"_How disgusting. Poor Roy, stuck with that guy…"_

"_Did Roy just say gay babies? What the—"_

"_Freak. Fairy. Creep. What does he think he's doing here?"_

_All those people calling him all those names. And it was all Roy's fault. Edward felt shocked, hurt, and another strange emotion that Roy had never evoked before in him. Anger, pure and unrestricted. It was Roy's fault that these people knew his most highly kept secret, his fault they were staring at him with mixed looks of hate and disgust. And he wanted Roy to pay._

_Teeth bared and uttering a pained cry he launched himself across the table, barreling into Roy and sending them both onto the cold linoleum floor. He began to swing his fists blindly and screamed nonsense at Roy with each punch that managed to connect. It wasn't many, but Ed didn't care. How _dare_ Roy betray him this way. He was hurt like he'd never been before, heartbreak and rejection making hot, salty tears spill down his face. He felt hands behind him, grabbing his arms and yanking him off of his best friend. His best friend, that treated him like crap. He stood shakily, the administrator yelling white noise in his ear. He was trembling throughout his entire body, breath coming in quick and heavy pants. Roy was still on the ground, glaring up at him with unmistakable loathing._

_He felt nothing as they dragged him away to the office, nothing as his dad picked him up from school. The car was silent until they returned home. Right before Edward left the car, his dad finally spoke._

"_You have no idea how disappointed I am with you, Edward."_

* * *

**This entire chapter I was telling myself "don't write it, no don't do it!". I kind of am killing myself slowly writing this. But I can't stop. I promised I'd finish this story. The end will be happy, I promise!**

**Please tell me what you think, chibi-dears!**


	10. Expectations

**A.N: Okay, there was going to be another chapter between the last one and this one, but I decided it was a useless filler and I deleted it. That, and I wanted to write this one real bad. **

**So basically, what would have happened in that chapter is Roy would've made both Ed and Envy awkward by hanging around for a while. See, useless? If you want me to actually write it out, I will :shrug:**

**Sorry for the lack of updates last week, it was Spring Break and I was running around constantly.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, chibi-dears. I think that name is the one that's gonna stick. I like it ^^.**

* * *

**((Envy's POV))**

Monday came around and Edward seemed to have retreated into himself. I greeted him in our only class together in the morning and he'd barely moved. There was a glassy and dazed look in his eyes; he didn't even bother to pretend to take notes and ended up getting scolded by the teacher. It killed me slowly because I only had the slightest idea of what was going on, and that idea included a strange boy whom I'd never met before.

After the initial shock of seeing this Roy kid wore off, my Edward turned emotionless, as they'd begun to talk. Apparently Edward's father had given Roy a call asking him to come over. The excuse of that vile man had was that Ed should still be keeping in touch with friends from his old school, not abandon them for his new ones. Yes, he said this while I was in the room with them. And in all honesty, I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment. Did his dad honestly think that Edward was abandoning this Roy person? I'm not a genius when it comes to reading people, but I could tell that the mere sight of this person mortified my little golden-haired boy.

Thankfully the number one witness to what had happened drew me out of my thinking before I started to assume and accuse. Edward was looking harassed and miserable as he slid into the seat across from me at our lunch table. I took him in slowly as he concentrated on picking at, not eating, his food. His braid looked as though it'd been done in a rush, hairs fraying out worse than mine. Soft violet circles were under his eyes, his lids shiny with lack of sleep. I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip and could feel my forehead wrinkling in worry. I _had_ to know why Roy left Ed so shaken.

"Hey, Ed…?"

He honestly jumped out of his seat, life finally sparking in those tawny eyes as his head jerked up to stare at me.

"Huh… oh, hi Envy!"

The forced smile and cheeriness twisted at my soul and beneath the table my hands clenched into fists. I felt angry suddenly, at Roy, at Edward's dad, at anyone who'd ever hurt this sweet boy. Call it overreacting, but I wanted to hurt them so very badly. Make them scream and writhe in agony… Shitshit_shit_. Bad Envy, no sudden mood swings. I reached into my pocket and slipped a pill into my shaking hand, feeling the tremors of my emotions shake my insides. Discreetly, I popped it into my mouth and swallowed dry. God, it tasted awful. It'd only dull the symptoms for a small while, but I needed that time to figure out what was going on. Sanely and rationally.

"No, Edward. Don't you dare fake. Not to me," the smile on his face fell at my serious tone. "Tell me what's going on. Why are you so… lifeless?"

He looked away, not responding. He brought a finger up to his mouth and started nibbling on the skin. It was a nervous habit that I had discovered he would do when torn between something. I let myself slip out of my own shell a little bit. If anyone would be able to get an answer out of him, it should be the over-emotional mess that I really was. My voice caught on the choking desperation as I pleaded with him.

"Please, Edward. Please tell me. I want to know, I want to help."

His chewed-on finger dropped to his lap and he inhaled a deep and shaking breath. I could feel my own caught in my lungs, waiting for him to speak, afraid that if I did breathe everything would shatter. Finally he tipped his head up to meet my eyes. He looked so broken and vulnerable, fear mingling with need in his eyes. I couldn't tell what he need or what he feared, only that I wanted to be there with him through it all.

"Envy… I-I'm not very good at telling people wh--" a pause and another shaky breath. He seemed to be trying to figure out the words to say, mouth opening and then closing quickly. Finally, his face set and turning calm, his eyes seemed to shine with resolve. "Envy, I know I can trust you. And, it's most likely been obvious to you but I should say it anyway… I'm gay."

It was like I'd just gotten punched in the gut. But a good kind of punch, if that makes any sense. I'd suspected, especially seeing as we'd kissed on more than a couple occasions. It was good to have it confirmed, to know that I could… take our relationship to the next step if I had enough courage to. And I was ready to. I wanted Edward to be _mine_.

"Don't worry about it. I am too," I responded. He chuckled quietly, shaking his head as he muttered something along the lines of a sarcastic 'really, I couldn't tell.' The corners of my mouth upturned into a smile.

"See, you're cool about it. Roy… wasn't."

I leaned forwards, resting my elbows on the table. I gave him a small nod, asking him to go on, wanting to know about him. Even if I couldn't tell him about my secret yet.

"We were best friends back in my old school. Well, I was his best friend. He was much more than that for me," I flinched at his words but he didn't seem to notice, caught up in the trance of telling a tale.

"It was Valentine's Day when I finally got up the courage to tell him how I felt after two years hiding it. I thought he'd be okay with it. He had no problem sleeping in the same bed as me whenever we were over at each other's house. Personal space wasn't an issue, and we'd actually held hands on a couple occasions. Nothing to worry about with it, right? He'd be cool. At least, that's what I thought. But when I told him… He scorned me. Made a scene and had the whole cafeteria laughing it up. I freaked out and started beating him up. I got sent home from school and my dad knew about the whole ordeal. Which is when I got sent here, he wants to try to fix my sinly ways," he rolled his eyes as he finished talking, emphasizing what an _excellent _idea his father had.

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I simply nodded. That must have been enough because he let out a happy sigh, smiling faintly. I was happy that I could have helped relieve him of the weight that he must have been carrying around. Finally, a thought had come to my mind that could offer him something to relate to.

"Heh, it's alright. My dad caught me and my ex-boyfriend kissing and basically, that's how I ended up here." I didn't think it'd help him much to mention that we were about to do a little more than kissing when my dad had seen us.

He laughed, pushing his bangs out of his face. He seemed much more relaxed now as he looked at me with a light blush across his cheek. He couldn't seem to stare at me for long, thought, before his eyes would widen a fraction and he would glance away.

"Well, can I tell you kind of something that nobody knows?" he asked, chewing down on his bottom lip.

I tilted my head to one side in curiousity, smiling softly.

"I… It was too bad I wasn't his but… I think he was my first love."

Did the temperature in the room plummet to freezing? Did people halt their conversations to stare in silence at whisper about the obvious moritfication that was on my face?

No.

I kept my expression cool, calm, and blank, giving nothing away and staring down at the table. I could feel the tears that burned at my eyes, almost ready to fall but I somehow managed to hold them at bay. Beneath the table my hands were in tight fists, nearly drawing blood with the strength of my nails digging into my palms. My heart was pounding heavy in my temples, giving me a slight headache. What could I do? What could I say? Nothing, and that's precisely what I did.

* * * * * * * *

His arms circled around me protectively, hands rubbing my back in slow and soothing circles as he murmured nonsense in my ears. I was still crying, horrible sobs that shook my entire body. Greed was a terrible brother, but he was the best when it came to comforting his flaming brother. That'd be me. The moment I'd gotten home I'd broken down into sobs. He'd seen me, a useless lump of salty tears, slumped against the door and carried me into my room. I was still trying to calm down enough in order to tell him what had happened.

"H-he told me about h-him, his Roy," I managed to stammer out, breathing in and out deeply.

"Go on, bro. I'm here for you."

"Apparently I got beat to the punch. H-he told me that he was in l-love with Roy."

A sharp intake of air made it clear that Greed understood my depressed babble. Shadows crawled along the edge of my vision, writhing in a slow dance to match my sadness. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, whimpering in fear.

"It's alright, Envy. You can do better."

He didn't get it. I didn't want any better. I wanted Edward, him and only him. I felt myself spiraling downwards deeper into the shadows that haunted my vision.

"I don't want anyone else. It's Edward I like. B-but…"

I shuddered, wiping away my tears and locking them away. It was all I could do to keep myself from shattering before I said the next words.

"I'll never live up to his expectations."

Man, life sucks.

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**Yeah, so again I'm sorry I didn't update last week. I was aiming to but I ended up spending most of the time with my girlfriend. (Get better, chipmunk cheeks!)**

**Please review very much, chibi-dear. I love you all so very much x3. Because without you, I wouldn't have even gotten this far with the story.**


	11. God Loving

A.N: Hey all, me again. I read your comments and it seems I have to make an apology. I'm sorry my fic just seems to be getting more and more depressing! Don't kill me; this is a happy chapter! I promise!

Thank you for your reviews, chibi-dears. Yup, I've decided on chibi-dears.

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((Envy's P.O.V))

It's quite a funny thing when your name describes how you feel. I was slouched low in the back pew of church on Wednesday when the thought entered my mind. The entire school was there, talking in low murmurs as they waited for the mass to begin. I was sitting alone, waiting patiently for Edward to show up. If he even wanted to sit next to me. Things had been awkward between us after his confession, nothing quite as easy as it was before. Probably because he now knew that I was gay like him, which most likely made it so he was nervous to do the wrong thing around me.

And awkward for me because, well, duh.

Once more I was living up to my name. I was jealous beyond all belief could feel myself nearly turning green with envy. How come Roy had what I wanted, yet disregarded and scorned it? How come it wasn't me who was the object of Edward's affections? I wanted nothing more than to actually mean something to him. I wanted to be someone that was good enough for him, someone that he wanted. I sighed and leaned forwards to place my head in my hands. Like something like that could ever happen. I was imperfect, a freak and an oddity and not worth his time. I was kidding myself into thinking anything different each time we kissed, each time a hand brushed another hand. I was just a substitute for his precious Roy.

"Hey. Sorry I'm late. My dad took way too long reading the paper," Edward said in a worn-out breath, sliding into the pew and accidentally bumping into me. I started and looked over at him. I smiled simply at the sight of him there, with a lopsided grin and wide-awake eyes even though it was early in the morning. I opened my mouth to reply but then the organ started up and we all had to rise for the procession. Ugh, church. I'd never had much patience for it before, and now I was forced to attend it every week. I would just drop out of this school if it weren't for…

Edward was singing. So softly that I could scarcely hear him over the drone of the organ, but there, singing along to the hymn. It was a quiet tenor; I think that was the chorus term for it, gentle and soothing like a lullaby. I glanced over at him to see he had the hymnbook open to the page with the song on it, the title proclaiming it to be "Go Tell It on the Mountain". I leaned in close to murmur in his ear.

"Nice singing."

He jumped at the compliment, stopping immediately to look at me. I frowned and gave him a small nudge with my shoulder, wanting him to continue. He raised an eyebrow at my pleading expression before turning back to the book and singing again. I sighed happily, eyes closing slightly as I relaxed into the sound of Edward's voice.

We finally were able to sit after the priest finished intoning how we were in God's mercy, making us beg for forgiveness for our sins. Well let's see now… what were my sins? I lied oh so many times, I coveted constantly, as I was right now, I'd envied as was my reason for living apparently, oh, and I wanted another man as I should a woman. Pretty sure there's something in the Bible about that being a big no-no. Leviticus or something like that.

My breath caught as a sudden impulse took hold. No, not like before when we kissed. That would not be a good idea to do in church. Surrounded by people. Yeah, no. It was more like a crazy, completely not-thought-through idea that I was going to go through with anyways. It would work too, because we were in the back of the church and no one would care to notice us except for the ushers, and they were too fixated on the first reading to really see anything else. I moved closer to him all the time wondering if I was about to make a complete and total fool out of myself.

"Hey, Edward?"

He glanced over at me out of the corner of his eye and smiled.

"Yes, Envy?" his voice was barely a whisper but I could hear the curiosity and surprise in his voice. Obviously he'd never met someone who would talk during church before.

"I was wondering… if you weren't doing anything on Friday… would you like to come over to my house to hang out?"

"Sure. I'll see if it's alright with my… my dad."

Oh crap. I'd forgotten about that cursed man.

"I'll ask him," he promised, albeit he did not sound too hopeful.

Ah well, here goes nothing.

((Edward's POV))

"And so basically, you want to go over to this… Envy's house?"

It was later that night and dad was actually in one of his better moods. Probably because he wasn't completely and totally drunk off his bum. I'd asked him about Envy's house, expecting the final verdict to be a quick and painful 'no', but oddly enough he seemed to be contemplating it. He rubbed at his chin, eyes staring at the wall across from the couch with a blank expression on his face. I inhaled shakily, my pulse jumping to hummingbird speed.

"Yeah. He wants me to go over there, eat dinner with them, and probably play some video games."

There was a long pause, as the words seemed to sink in, adding even more pressure to the already-thick-with-tension atmosphere. Behind my back I had my fingers crossed to the point where I thought one was about to snap the other one clean off. Finally he closed his eyes and answered.

"I suppose you can go for a little while. I'll be there to pick you up at ten."

There seemed to be something embarrassed about the way he spoke that caused me to begin wondering about it's source. I raised an eyebrow in his direction but he was carefully ignoring my gaze, eyes still empty and staring ahead. I was about to give up and had turned to leave when he finally explained the reasoning behind his silence.

"Say… Lust isn't still mad at me for yelling at her, right?"

I almost laughed out loud. Even though it was some time ago, my dad was still smarting from being verbally beaten into the ground by Envy's mom. I smiled faintly, shaking my head and allowing a quiet chuckle to come from my throat.

"I don't think she is, dad."

I walked out of the living room and into my room, still shaking with silent laughter at what had just passed. My dad, for all his swagger and talk and appearences, was afraid of Lust, the pretty and sweet mother of my friend. But it had to be said, she did have a temper fit for a beserker. I flopped down onto my bed, allowing a victorious grin to spread across my face. I couldn't believe it. Due to the intimidation of Envy's mother, I was able to go over to his house. Happiness swelled up like a balloon inside me, nearly choking me as it bubbled up into my throat. I could hang out with Envy. Envy… _Envy…_

Whoa, backtrack there. Why was I getting so excited over going to my friend's house? Ah crap, was I actually falling for another guy, again? He was nice and sweet; I had to admit. And good-looking, an amazing kisser… Frick. I was getting a crush on him. So stop the presses for a moment… If I liked Envy, and it was kind of obvious that he might have a thing for me- I now realize I was hoping for that- wouldn't that make us hanging out on Friday some sort of date? Would it be an official date? Probably not, seeing as his family was going to be there breathing down our necks the entire time. So yeah, technically not a date. But dinner was considered a date so… I suppose it could be called a maybe date. Yes! Oh great, I was getting excited like a little girl on her first date. Well it would be my first date… Maybe date. Ugh, I give up.

I sighed and smiled, feeling myself calm down with his name on my lips.

"Envy."

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See? Happy! Don't kill me =D?

The Internet at my house is down, so my friend who is posting this brings this chapter to you. Thank the nice lady, chibi-dears!

Please review! I luffles you all!


	12. Maybe Date

**A.N: Hey all. The nice lady from before says, "You're welcome". Oh! It's time for another book recommendation! Yeah yeah I know: "Just get to the story, stupid." You have to wait until I finish being a salesperson. Or just scroll until you get to the story. Nooo! Come back! Okay ANYWAY, for those still reading this. First: I love you the most. Second: I just finished re-reading for the third time this amazing book my friend's sister lent me. It's called ****The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls**** by Emilie Autumn. Now, if you've already heard of EA, you get more love from me than ever possible. It's the real-life account of this amazing singer/violinist/writer/artist/BEAUTY when she attempts to commit suicide and is sent to the Psych Ward. Combined with the fictional story of Emily with a 'y' as she gets sent to an Asylum during the Victorian era. All in all, it's awesome. Read it. Now.**

**So I think I've sufficiently wasted your time. Thank you for the reviews, chibi-dears. Here it is; I'm done being a salesperson. But seriously, listen to her music and fall in love. I'll shut up now.**

**((Edward's POV))**

Man, butterflies are evil. What other pretty little insect would be so cruel as to invade your intestines and just start flapping around? They're so mean, making millions nervous to the point of vomiting each and every day. I'm no exception, it seems. I was in the car with my dad and we were silent when it finally it me. It was Friday; we were on the way to Envy's home and those devil bugs were performing a full-out air show reserved especially for my stomach acid. I honestly had no clue how I was _not_ vomiting on the dashboard, I was so sick with nerves. What would his house be like? Would it be big? Small? Were they rich or poor? He told me he had brothers, what were they like? What would be for dinner? What's his room like? _'Okay, stop, crazy Edward,'_ I chided myself. _'Breathe and just stop before your head explodes.'_

Finally we arrived at Envy's house and I held my breath. God almighty… he insisted on having out at my house all this time when he lived in _that_? Two floors, overlooking and literally over a pond, absolutely gorgeous. My dad whistled low, eyes with in obvious surprise. Maybe he wouldn't mind my ehm… friend much now that he knew he had money.

"Pretty impressive, huh, kiddo?" he asked me.

I made a wordless sound of agreement due to the fact that I was stunned speechless as we pulled into their driveway. Up close it seemed even bigger and I craned my neck to get a better look as we got out of the car. Worn, warm dark wood sided the house, rectangular window frames with their heavy curtains pulled back showed the lights that were glowing inside, shadows of people flitting over the windows occasionally. We climbed the porch steps and I hung back behind him as my dad knocked on the door.

A familiar female voice called out "Coming!" and footsteps could be heard somewhere in the house, followed by several voices going back and forth rapidly. The door swung inward and there was Lust, positively beaming as she saw us standing there.

"Hello! So glad you could make it, Edward!" she said, ignoring my dad with all the cool of a glacier, which clearly made him feel uncomfortable. He cleared his throat to draw Lust's eyes away from me and over to him.

"I'll be back to pick him up at ten, is that alright?" he asked hesitantly and Lust responded with a curt nod. She grabbed my arm, pulling me inside and closing the door in my dad's face before he could utter a goodbye. I blinked in shock and thought, '_Wow, she _really_ must hate him._' She turned to me and smiled warmly, all anger towards my father gone.

"Envy's up in his room, first door on your left, just go up those stairs," she instructed me before leaving to what I assume was the kitchen, judging from the delicious smell coming from that direction. I took a breath, trying my best to steady my nerves and failing, before going up the stairs.

The upstairs was a dimly lit hallway with four doors branching off it. I followed Lust's orders and knocked on the first door to my left, on which was a sign proclaiming "Envy's Room! No annoying siblings allowed! I have a Nerf gun in here and will use it!" I smiled at it and laughed quietly as I waited for the room's inhabitant to open the door. And then there he was. The heat rushed to my face when I saw he was in a tight black top that exposed his flat, smooth stomach and what I assumed to be a skort slung dangerously low on his hips. He grinned wide when he saw it was me and drew me into a tight hug.

"Hey Ed! I was wondering when you'd get here!" he told me, dragging me into his room and closing the door behind us. I immediately looked around, taking in everything I saw.

His room was somewhere in the gray area between clean and filthy. Clothes were piled up in a corner and his desk was unorganized, but his bed was made so the black covers were pulled tight over the mattress. The walls were decorated with posters and other assorted things that showed what he liked and disliked.

"So do you like it?" he asked, hand holding onto mine lightly. I turned to face him and grinned.

"It's amazing."

Those evil butterflies must have been reaching the crescendo of their performance because I was suddenly shaking when he met my eyes. I stepped towards him so our bodies were nearly touching and my breath was coming in quick pants. His expression mirrored my own and we moved at the same time. His hands went to thread themselves through my hair to tip my head back as my arms went around his neck to pull him closer. My eyes slipped close and I went up on the balls of my feet just as our lips touched.

First it was soft, just the gentlest brushing of our mouths against each other's. His mouth was moist and soft as ever and he quickly began to take control of the kiss. I let him, tipping my head to one side as he deepened the kiss and it became stronger, firmer. An electric thrill shot through me, from my heart to my abdomen and he started to push me backwards until my knees hit the edge of his bed. I lost my balance and fell backwards, dragging him down with me.

He seemed to have no problem with it, sliding his hands down from my hair to run down my sides and then up my shirt. Ah God… I had to break the kiss in order to get some breath before I fainted. His fingers continued to move delicately over my torso, seeming to know just what would make me squirm beneath him. Those same electric thrills kept firing through my body and before I could understand what was happening, I moaned.

"Edward…" he whispered before sealing his mouth over mine once again.

There was a sharp knock on the door and we jumped apart as fast as we could, eyes wide as the door swung open to show who I could only guess was either Envy's older brother or his dad. Tall, muscular, with spiked hair that I couldn't quite get the color of because of the dark lighting. His face split into a smile when he took in the sight of the two of us; shocked and panting still with messed-up hair.

"Okay, you two. Stop whatever it was you were doing, dinner's ready," he said with a voice that sounded like he was trying to hold back laughter and then left the room with the door wide open.

"You don't mind if I commit a murder, do you?" Envy asked, glaring after his brother as if he fully intended to carry out the threat.

"Only if you go to confession afterwards," I told him, quirking an embarrassed half-smile.

He laughed outright at that, standing up and fixing his hair and clothes. "Trust me, I've got dozens more things to confess about. Murder is the least of them."

I stood as well, not fully understanding what he meant by that. Did he mean us…? I sighed and tried my best to fix up my braid before following him as he left the room and led the way downstairs. What else did he have to confess about? I couldn't help but continue to wonder about it worriedly. What could be worse than murder? He didn't seem that bad, gay and having no issue with it, but that wasn't that bad, right? Whoa… since when did I start to think that? Well, since I met Envy, I suppose. He was messing up all of my thinking and my morals, it seems. And oddly enough, I didn't mind it one bit.

Lust, Greed, and who I could guess was Envy's little brother were all seated around a dining room table with piles of delicious looking food on it. Envy took an empty seat and I slid into the one next to him.

"Alright, you know my mom. That freak of nature that doesn't know the meaning of the word 'privacy' is my big brother Greed. And the runt of the litter over there with the hair almost as deadly as mine is my little brother Wrath," Envy introduced, pointing to each person in turn. Wrath responded with muttered profanities which earned a stern look from Lust and Greed simply grinned and said, "Nice to meet you, Edward. Envy has told us _tons_ about you."

I blushed at the implication in his words and before Envy could work up a comeback, Lust interjected with a cheerful voice that barely masked her irritation.

"Boys, play nice, we have a guest. Now shut up and eat before I smash your heads in with the plates."

This indeed shut them up and they started picking for food, the occasional threat arising if Wrath wouldn't get his "stinking paws the hell off" of Greed's piece of chicken. I smiled though, unused to seeing a family fighting but at the same time feeling like they all loved each other. Man, I wished my family were like this. I grabbed some food once everyone else had settled down and began eating.

"Oh, and you'll have to excuse Mr. Jones. He would have made it but he actually is working for once," Lust suddenly said, sounding bitter about the fact.

"It's fine, really," I replied, smiling.

"Well, mom, it is a good thing. If dad was here, those two wouldn't be able to keep shooting glances at each other like that," Greed pointed out and Lust nodded sadly. Envy and I blushed, caught in the fact that we _had _been looking at each other and couldn't deny it.

"Dad's an ass that doesn't like the whole 'gay' thing. Which is stupid because you and my brother look cute together," Wrath added which only made my blush darken significantly. Lust smacked the youngest brother on the back of the head, telling him not to say the word ass.

"But you two are adorable, I must admit, look at how they're both blushing so red!"

Yeah, dinner was eventful.

Now we were waiting for my dad to come and pick me up, Envy and I curled together on the couch watching some old black-and-white film on the TV. One of his arms was slung around my shoulders, the hand of the other rubbing up and down my side slowly. My head was nestled on his shoulder and I was smiling, feeling perfectly content and relaxed for once.

"I'm really glad you could come and hang out today, Edward," he suddenly whispered, the hand that had been rubbing my side going up to cup the side of my face and tilted it up. We were close enough where I could feel his breath on my face.

"I'm glad too," I replied and smiled.

He kissed me, not caring that the rest of his family in the next room over, talking about something in the dining room. It was deep and firm, the kind that made me breathless before it even really began. I met it as fierce as I could, pressing the line of my body up against him. The butterflies in my stomach were back but they seemed to be migrating south and getting warmer.

He pulled me so I was laying on top of him and his hands returned to beneath my shirt. I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks and whimpered. His hips pressed up against mine and it made me gasp, the motion sending a jolt up my spine. I returned the pressure and soon we were rocking against each other, panting and making noises that sounded amazing. He kissed me deeply and slipped his tongue between my lips, tasting me and touching my tongue. I knotted my hands in his hair and let out a high-pitched moan.

Something was rising up in me, sudden shivers making my body tremble. I broke the kiss and tilted my head back, bucking my hips quickly down against Envy's.

"God… Edward…" Envy gasped, gripping my hips and egging me on towards my finish.

"EDWARD ELRIC!"

I jumped off Envy like I had wings and looked towards the source of the angry bellow. My stomach and my hope were sinking fast when I saw the familiar face in the doorway. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped, my entire body was pulsing with adrenaline and knew I was going to die. My dad was in the doorway, Lust behind him protesting violently.

"You had no right to just barge into my house! How dare you!" she was shrieking like a banshee, looking like she was going to rip my dad's head off his shoulders.

"Explain why my son was… was… kissing that boy!" Hohenheim roared, storming over to the couch and yanking me off of it by my braid. I cried out in pain while Envy yelled after my dad. He sounded shocked, hurt, and absolutely enraged. My body was still trembling from my near-release and I was too stricken to act out.

My dad dragged me out of the house, multiple voices threatening his life following us the way out. He threw me into the car and got in the drivers side, slamming the door and driving off quickly. I touched my fingers to my face and felt tears there. I was shaking and trembling with tears, almost able to block out every profanity and curse that came from my dad's mouth.

"Do you realize what you've done? What would your mother say if she knew what you've been doing with that… kid!"

Something in me snapped. Maybe it was the fact that I'd finally found someone that I cared about or dad brought up mom. Either way, I had snaped and there was no way of going back now.

"Mom's dead, dad! You would have no clue what she would say because you're too drunk to remember anything anymore! God, I hate you!" I yelled and dug my nails into my arms because he was driving and I couldn't hurt him.

"Shut up, punk! You'll never see that boy again! Hell, you'll never see the light of day again! You fucking punk! I've given you so much and you go ahead and try and be gay again? You're lucky I'm letting you live!"

That sent me into a whole new round of tears and I doubled over. I just wanted to fade away, to go back to that house where I actually was safe and treated like I belonged there. I kept repeating something over to myself, unable to stop even if I tried to.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…"

**I hate myself, yet again for this. But if you just focus on you know, the first parts of the chapter it's happy, right? DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!**

**A Warning: Next chapter ****will be graphic****. Not in the smoochy-luff kind of way. This is categorized as a "Hurt" fic for a reason. Don't read it if you don't want to. It will be depressing, and I'm going to hate myself for it. But hopefully you'll still love me if I tell you that it will end happy :D? Please?**

**Please review and don't kill me!**


	13. Lost

****

A.N: This is a note from before I start writing; because I know I'll be a useless lump of tears by the time I finish this chapter. First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL CREATURES OF THIS WORLD AND BEYOND! Why the unusual flamboyant gratitude, you ask? Because, my amazing little chibi-dears, DO YOU SEE THE REVIEW NUMBER? That's right, over one hundred reviews. I love you all so much and you make my heart feel super happy! If it weren't for you, this story would have been abandoned at chapter three, if that. So sit back and give yourselves a little congratulatory pat on the back, you deserve it. Go on, do it. You know you want to.

**See, doesn't that feel good? But now onto the sad stuffs.**

**Another Warning: This chapter contains violent behavior of the self-harm genre. If the mere thought of something like this makes you squeamish, just ignore this chapter and wait for the next one to come out. It will not be censored into rainbows and ponies, no, that is not my writing style. So you have been warned. And also, I feel that this is necessary…**

**Disclaimer: This chapter is not saying that I support self-harm in any way, shape or form. I do not think that hurting yourself is a good way to go through life. If you do hurt yourself, I only have this to say to you: You are an amazing and beautiful person and no matter what others may say they cannot take that away from you. Also, please find help. Someone, a friend, a family member, a doctor, anybody. Because nobody should go through life alone. You may be thinking: "what the hell, you don't know me!" But honestly, I've got the curse where I care about everyone, even people I don't personally know. So please.**

**Thank you for the reviews, now here's the next chapter. **

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**((Envy's POV))**

I just let him be taken away.

His dad had barged in on us and all I could do was sit there and think, _'Wait, where did that warmth go?_' I heard screaming and cries of pain, from Edward most likely, but I was stunned into a state of frozen shock. I heard the angry words of Edward's father and only could protest with nonsense words because my mouth couldn't keep up with my racing, violent thoughts. And then he was gone, leaving the rest of my family panting and glaring after that abhorrent man that had just dragged his own son out by the hair. We heard the screech of brakes and the whine of a motor that accelerates too fast that soon faded into silence. That's what seemed to have happened to my heart. It was going way to fast to possibly be any degree of healthy and all I could think of was a variety of ways to combine a few choice swear words.

This couldn't have happened; everything was going perfectly. Why did it always seem to end like this? Was I cursed, was that it? My thoughts became almost too fast for even me to understand them, giving me a headache that made me whimper in pain.

Then, like the car noises outside, everything seems to have faded into silence. I saw the mouths of my family moving in an effort to comfort me but couldn't hear the words that they were saying. My breath was speeding up and becoming more irregular and I backed away from them, shaking my head and making my lips form a repetitive chain of words that I couldn't hear. I knew I was supposed to be saying "No" and by the looks of their faces they got the message loud and clear. Everything snapped back to reality for a moment and their voices were painfully loud and clear.

"Envy, Envy, calm down!" Oh, that was Lust.

"Come on, bro. Chill out, it'll be fine." Greed.

"Envy…? What's going on?"

All of their words seemed to slur together to become the background music for my own violent song to be melded into theirs. Oh shit, I was thinking in weird ways again. No, they were plainly speaking voices; there was no music to this chaos. But then again, that's what music is, is it not? Chaos, organized chaos. And so my voice continued to rise as I ran up the stairs.

"No, no, no, NO!"

I slammed the door to my room and leapt onto my bed, paranoia that the things beneath it would grab my ankles if I didn't gripping at me. The shadows were back, pulling and pushing at my vision and blinding me sometimes. They were violent, angry, writhing shapes with voices even louder than my screams. I couldn't understand a word of their shrieking but it wouldn't go away, so I yelled even louder as I curled into a ball on my bed, clutching at my ears and trying to rip them out. I could feel skin give way beneath my fingernails and felt tingling sensation of pain behind my ears where the nails met flesh. They wouldn't go away, none of it would go away. Everything seemed to be crashing down at once and driving me further downstream. Edward was gone; I'd never see him again. But I had to see him. I needed him. I wanted him. I—I…

You what? Love him? You can't love him; he's not real. None of this is real. You're just insane, you stupid boy.

"No! Get away… get away from me! You don't exist!" I was convulsing now, unable to stop the horrible shaking and twitching.

There was a hand on my shoulder and the sound of someone trying to talk to me. Their voice was like something coming from underwater. Suddenly, that's what I wanted and what I needed. To be underwater. To be away from all of the bad things. I could dimly recall someone with a soothing, even voice telling me once that it was dangerous to be this way and that I should call them if it ever got like this again. They'd just up my medication and I knew that. And it didn't help. It didn't fucking help.

"Envy, honey, please. Come back. It's all right. I'll call Mr. Elric and I'll see to it he knows the full story. Relax. There's nothing here but you and me. Come back, love. Come on, listen to your mama."

Oh. It was mom. The voices kept trying to come back and tell me that none of it existed but Lust's voice had always seemed to protect me from them. She was the one who'd brought me back from the brink the first time I'd been this way and every time since then. In and out of hospitalizations, she was there. When the medication began failing, she was there. And even now, there was my mama. I could get through this… I hoped.

"I-I'm here," I replied in a small, childish voice as I slowly began to calm down. My pulse was still hammering in my veins but I'd stopped hyperventilating. The shadows returned to just a flicker here and there on the edge of my vision. It would have to do for now, because I didn't think my shattered nerves could take any more calming down or any more working back up. Either way I knew I'd end up breaking.

"Okay? Good. How do you feel?" her voice was soft and concerned as she rubbed my back in slow, soothing circles. I paused a moment to consider my answer and find out if I was even in the right condition to answer that.

"I-I don't know," I told her honestly. "How much time did I lose?"

"About twenty minutes. Honey, around your ears is bleeding some. Come with me so I can get you all cleaned up. You can go to bed early tonight."

She helped me sit up while I continued to shake like a frail old man, occasionally letting out a quiet yelp in regards to something the shadows managed to whisper into my ears despite the gentle tone of Lust's voice. I was still reeling over what she had told me. During my episodes I had a habit of losing time when it seemed like absolutely none had passed. Normally it was only a few times. But now… twenty minutes. But it seemed like I'd been in that hell for longer than it but like time was frozen. I don't know how to explain it, but I hated whenever it happened. I could never quite recall things from when I lost time. Like, why were my ears bleeding? Did I do something?

I looked down at my hands as Lust helped me to stand and I found my answer. My fingernails were crusted with blood and pieces of skin. My stomach churned and I felt the sudden need to vomit. God… I always did something disgusting or another when I lost control, but try and tear my ears out with my nails? They were short and blunt to begin with; I must have done something serious in order to get them to make me bleed.

"Alright honey, come on. We're going to the bathroom."

I nodded blankly and allowed her to shuffle me out of my bedroom and across the hall into the bathroom. She turned the duller of the two lights on and even then I flinched, eyes sensitive to the bright after having them closed for so long. She sat me down on the toilet and started looking through the medicine cabinet for disinfectant, babbling nonsense to me the entire time to keep me calm. But I felt that I was just on the edge of calm, standing over a cliff that a single light wind could push me off into the roiling sea below.

"Oh shoot, I forgot the Neosporin was in the downstairs bathroom. I'll be right back. Will you be okay?" she looked me directly in the eye so I couldn't lie to her.

"Yeah. I feel better now. Thanks, mom."

She nodded with satisfaction and left the room, moving quickly. Something about her swiftness made that breeze come and it was back. My thoughts were racing and my breath was competing against it in a race to the death. She left me, left me. She didn't care about me at all. Nobody cared about me. I was alone, I didn't exist. None of this existed, none of it was real. We're all insane, I'm insane. Get away from it all, get away, get away. All I could go. I got off the toilet and slammed the door shut, locking it swiftly. Apparently Lust was too far away to hear the door. She abandoned me anyways, it was all her fault.

Go underwater, Envy. Go underwater…

The voices were soothing to me now, showing me a way out that I could do easily, with no problem. I wasn't in control of my body, yet I was. I shifted through the medicine cabinet, pulling out what I needed. I wouldn't have much time, so I'd go quickly. Go away and let everyone alone. Edward wouldn't be in trouble now if it wasn't for me. It was my entire fault and I knew it was. All my fault and I should just go.

Go underwater. Go die.

A bottle of pills, a shaving razor. The razor first. I pried it part as fast as I could and the blades came apart with surprising ease and a satisfying 'pop'. I grabbed the first one I could find and sat down on the floor, the pretty little bottle next to me. Honestly, if they didn't want people to take so many pills, they shouldn't make it seem such a natural thing to do. Breeding unnatural habits from socially acceptable behavior. I think I read that somewhere once. My thoughts were clear but suddenly, with the glinting stainless steel razor in my hand and pressing the cool metal against the skin of my forearm my thoughts became clear, focused on only one thing. I drew it across my skin slowly, holding my breath in anticipation as old memories flitted through my head at warp speed.

Well, Envy, this is the final diagnosis of why you've been like… this.

The blood sprang readily to the surface, the shaving razor was so sharp that it easily sliced through my pale flesh. It beaded and began to travel slowly down my arm and onto the floor. Another, quicker this time. Less caring about the pain and more focusing on getting as much blood out as I could. Another and another and another. Soon there were sixteen long, bleeding slashes on my forearm alone. God, it was beautiful. And the pain inside was gone now, left through the blood that was trickling onto the floor. But it wasn't enough and I was out of room on my forearm. Time to move onto the upper arm…

What is it exactly that I have then?

Ten and there was Lust knocking on the door, demanding that I let her in right now. I ignored her, going for the bottle and opening it quickly. I didn't care for number, just that it was enough to get me away from all of this blame. The quitter's way out. But for me, it was the only way. I just couldn't fight this battle anymore. I was losing and it was time to be a good player and accept the loss with dignity. So, bleeding on my bathroom floor, I swallowed.

We think it to be some form of schizophrenia, do you know what that it?

I fell back, eyes rolling in my head. There was the dim noise of something being shattered, but I was already fading. Going underwater and it felt so good. There was no more pain to deal with, only a lovely numbness that I had craved for so long. I was out of everyone's hair, no longer able to get my Edward in trouble. He was so perfect, though. Maybe he'd be the angel to guide me to heaven. But then again, homosexuals and suicides went to hell. So I guess it was hell for me. If it even existed. I was soon to find out, I guess. I only hope Edward wouldn't get upset when he found out… He would find someone else, he was cute and nice. Or his dad would just make it so he would forget. I felt the dimest flicker of hatred towards that man but then it was gone again as I barely heard hysterical shrieking and felt something being poured down my throat. I coughed violently, the pain rushing back in horrible torrents that ripped through my body as the pills that I'd swallowed came up in a rush of horrible-smelling vomit. I was gasping and choking weakly, blood loss making me dizzy and unable to focus clearly.

I was back above water and couldn't believe it. Through my blurry vision I saw Lust, clutching my face and begging me to do something. What? Stay with her? I couldn't. I had to go away. Didn't she get it? I faded out of conciousness, but not before I heard her call out to someone unseen behind her.

"My God! Greed! Call 911!"

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**:is a sobbing and hysterical mess right now: I've been saying this a lot lately. I hate myself. I'll give you guys this spoiler so you don't worry, HE WILL LIVE. There's still a few chapters left and I promise, that was the worst point in the story. See? It's all over with now! Please still love me? **

**Again, if you feel anything at all like this, please seek help immediately. You can't die, you're too awesome.**

**And there's one person who I need to send to tears now if she isn't already. Yes, I'm talking to you. You're beautiful and amazing and I love you. Don't you dare quit.**


	14. Hospitalized

**A.N: **_**ATTENTION CHIBI-DEARS:**_

_**THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM ME, YOUR FEARLESS LEADER. Okay, not really fearless or your leader, but it is an important announcement. See? Italics for importance! Anyways, seeing as the last chapter was a miserable ball of misery I figured we all could use something to cheer us up. **_

_**So it is time to announce A CONTEST! That's right, I'm pitting all of you against each other. What I want you to do is draw/paint/something a picture regarding something from the story. It can be a scene, just the characters, a little comic, or what you think is going to happen next. Go wild, have fun! Send it to me via Private Message and the winner will be announced when one is decided. And what do you win? Well, if you can really consider it a prize, I will be willing to write a one short and/or short story of your choosing. It can be any anime/book/movie that I know of (if you really want it, I can research it) with any pairing, be they homo or hetero, I don't care. So please, submit your work so I don't feel like an idiot for announcing this!**_

**Now then, that's over. So I just wanted to thank you all for reviewing and other than that I don't really have anything to say. Except maybe this…**

**FUTTERWACKEN!**

**Now here's the chapter.**

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**((Edward's POV))**

'_God, I have no idea what I did to deserve a life like this, but whatever it was, I'm sorry.'_

My body was still aching and it probably wasn't that good of an idea that I was walking around so soon after the vicious beating my dad had administered to me two nights go. Bruises that marked my arms, my back, and my chest still were pulsing in pain but I couldn't stay in that house another moment. Dad was gone away on business yet again, but even just the memories were too much for me now. So I was wandering around the streets and not really paying attention to my surroundings unless a car honked its horn at me for straying too far into the street. Like I gave a crap.

I hadn't gotten a call from Envy at all, even though I was sure he would try to after what had happened. Did he finally give up on me? Did he decide that being with me wasn't worth the risk of being around my dad? I would have if I were him. I would have given up on me the first day I met me. But he didn't. Envy was so different than everyone else I'd ever known. He'd taken my definition of what was right and what was wrong, shaken and messed it all up. I couldn't really say that I minded it, though. I liked the way he lived. He was just so spontaneous and fun to be around. I sighed, kicking a loose piece of gravel and watching as it clattered in front of me.

I missed him.

I had to admit it, I missed him and I was worried about him. Where was he? Was he all right? How did he feel about what had happened? Would he be at school tomorrow or did he never want to see me again? Was his mom going to kill my dad? Actually, I wouldn't mind if that last one was a yes. I reached a hand up to touch my split bottom lip gingerly, wincing when I still felt the pain there. The thing was, though, this time I actually fought back.

The first time my dad and I officially had it out in a full on fight. He had a few injuries from me that I was proud of, but for every one I inflicted on him I got two in return. I still felt proud of myself, doubtless. I had something to fight back for now and I fought as hard as I could. What was the thing I was fighting for? It was pretty freaking obvious to everyone now. Envy. That one boy had given me so much in such a short amount of time that simply thinking about it was dizzying. We were… together or something, I couldn't really tell anymore. Being with him now was just like breathing, effortless and natural. All right, Edward, backup. You've only known this kid for how long? A few months, yeah, I know. But it's that feeling when you think you've known that person for even longer than you actually have. Like they were a part of you that went missing before you could remember it and suddenly it was there again. Like an appendix, I guess. You know, you never understand why it's there until that one science class when you're like 'oh!'

Did I really just compare my feelings towards Envy to having an appendix? Yes, yes I did. I can't really understand any other way to say it without sounding like an over-the-top, mushy romantic girl. And despite my beautiful, long hair and slightly feminine features, I _was not_ a girl.

I just happened to like boys.

Well, not _boys_ per se. Just one boy whose whereabouts I didn't know and was worrying pathetically over it. I sighed and gingerly rubbed a hand over my face, mindful of the cuts and bruises. I'd do anything just to see him again.

My wish just happened to be granted in the strangest and cruelest of all ways.

Because I was still stuck inside my little moping ball of sadness and ignoring the world around me, I didn't hear the soft purr of a car engine besides me. I didn't notice when the door to the passenger side of the car opened and someone slipped out, moving quickly to me. Two others waited anxiously inside of the car, their eyes fixed on me. I was finally jerked out of my reality when arms wrapped around me, dragging me back towards the car. I let out a shriek way too high to ever come from any male creature as I got shoved into the back seat of the car, hitting the other passenger with an 'oof'. The doors were slammed and the person who had taken me slid into the passenger seat in the front. Only when the car pulled away and started driving did I stop panicking enough to see who'd kidnapped me.

Greed honestly couldn't be wearing a bigger grin as he turned to look at me.

"Gee, Ed. Did I catch you by surprise or something? I haven't even heard a cat screech like that before."

I flushed in anger and glared at him.

"Why on God's green Earth did you just grab me?" I demanded, not in the mood to be joked around with.

My words seemed to automatically deflate him for some reason and he let out a heavy sigh. I looked around at Lust, who was at the wheel, and Wrath, who was besides me in the back. Both were wearing the same expression as Greed now had. Dejected, worried, anxious, with just a hint of hysteria in Lust's eyes. I frowned, instantly wondering what could have made this happy family seem so completely and totally drained. Then, I noticed something missing. Or more, some_one_ missing.

"Where's Envy?"

"You see, Edward, that's why we had to take you. I highly doubt your father," it was Lust who was speaking and her nose wrinkled in disgust as she said the last word, "would want you anywhere near us at the moment. We've got to let you in on a little family secret, because Envy's basically been demanding to see you and won't calm down until he does."

"Wait… what? Why? Where is he? What secret?" Greed held up a hand to stop my questions and glanced over at Lust, who looked on the verge of tears.

"I got this one, ma," he murmured, then turned his attention to me.

"Envy's always had some issues with being normal and well… reality is kind of far off for him at times. Certain things can trigger him spiraling out of reality and… what your dad did was one of those things."

I raised an eyebrow, not quite understanding what he was getting at. So Envy was demanding to see him but at the same time was… out of touch with the world? What? That made no sense. I opened my mouth to ask a question but Wrath cut me off.

"Oh for cripes sake, Greed. Breaking it to him easily isn't going to help any. It'll just confuse him even more; I mean, look at him. Just get on with it," he snapped, clearly irritated.

Whatever had happened with Envy, each of them seemed to have a way to cope with it. Lust was slowly falling to pieces behind the steering wheel, Wrath was well… angry. And Greed talked.

"Fine. Fine. Chill out, Wrath." Again, he looked at me. "Envy's in the hospital right now, which is where we are taking you. They have him medicated so he's back with reality for the time being. And before you ask what got him there… Because of what your dad did he essentially flipped his shit and attempted suicide. Sorry, mom," he added when Lust winced at his blunt way of putting it.

It felt like the floor of the car got ripped out from under me. Wait… he tried to kill himself? Because of my dad? Spiraling guilt made me feel sick, my dad only was like that because he'd caught us doing things his son shouldn't have done with another boy. It was my entire fault. I looked down at my hands clutching at each other, worry only increasing. How long would he be in the hospital? Would I ever see him again? What did he have that made him even think about killing himself?

"So you're taking me to see him in the hospital?" I asked, because all of my other questions just seemed plain stupid and mean in light of the situation. Besides, I'd rather have the answers from Envy himself

"That's right. Is that okay with you?" Lust asked, finally speaking.

I nodded, switching my gaze to look out the window at everything winging by. I didn't care where it was, I just wanted to see Envy.

**

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**

**((Envy's POV))**

My drug-hazed mind couldn't comprehend what I was hearing. Either that, or I was still too shocked to actually admit to myself that it was Edward walking down the hall towards my room. I didn't see him just yet but I heard him talking quietly with my mom and I knew I would never mistake his voice for someone else's. And then there he was, standing awkwardly in my doorway with my family hanging back, each with horrible forced smiles that didn't disguise their pain at seeing me in this place again. But I didn't care. I stood up quickly and crossed the small space that was my bedroom, taking him in my arms in the tightest embrace I could manage. He returned it with as much enthusiasm and what seemed like a little more. I sighed and smiled, breathing in his familiar smell and relaxing in his warmth.

How the hell could I have even thought of dying when I had this person who meant so much to me in my arms?

Right, because I'm bloody fucking _insane_. The thought was a splash of cold water on my face and I pulled away from him reluctantly, eyes downcast and I nibbled on my bottom lip.

"Why did you come?" my voice sounded rough to my own ears and I winced at how small and childish my tone was.

He took my hands in his gently and took a small step closer so that I could see his shoes.

"Because I was worried about you," he replied softly, something in his voice making me look up.

My heart thumped hard and twisted at the expression in those beautiful golden eyes of his. My God… he honestly cared about me. Enough to deal with the hellish place the psych ward was. I tilted my chin down and slowly lowered my face to his, eyes slipping close. Behind him. one of my annoying family cleared their throats and I heard the sound of their footsteps as they all decided it would be a smart idea to cram into my tiny little pale-yellow room.

I sighed and pulled back from Edward once again to glare at them, but it wasn't in earnest. I was too happy to see my Edward again to be agitated with them for long. I took a seat on my bed, pulling the short golden-haired boy onto my lap and wrapping my arms around his waist.

We talked nonsense for what seemed like forever, although I knew they could only visit for an hour. We laughed and joked and messed around and I almost forgot where I was. Having Edward with me was like a sign saying that everything was going to be alright, that I could make it through this wretched hospital stay and get out to spend more time with him. And that was what I wanted, so I would work hard to get it. No more hallucinations, no more suicide attempts, no more delusions. I would be plain, normal Envy. I would date Edward and constantly whisper in his ear how he saved me, and he'd blush that sweet light pink color and say that he couldn't have lived without me anymore. I had the image in my head and now I would just have to make it a reality. It filled me with a soft, warm feeling that seemed to erase every bad memory I had ever had. Hell, I didn't need medication. I just needed my Edward.

Sadly, I couldn't have bribed anyone to let him stay the night with me and he'd told me with that poor broken expression of his that his dad would be home early tomorrow morning. They left without me even getting to kiss him, which is what I really wanted. Even the smallest brush of lips would have been enough to sustain me until the end of my hospital visit. He'd looked like he had wanted to as well and that just made it even more torture. But now they were gone and I couldn't do anything about it.

A nurse came in as night fell with a small plastic cup full of water and a handful of small pills for me. Antipsychotics, anxiety meds, anti-depressants, a rainbow of medication desgined just to knock me out and leave me dazed like a stoner until the next dosage. Even that wasn't enough now that I'd gotten used to it once more. So I stayed awake, worrying and panicking about when I would get out of here, the next time I would see Edward, and why, with even all the drugs in my system, were the voices still there?

_Never going to get your wish._

_Give up, give in._

_Kill yourself._

_Go underwater._

_No one cares._

God… someone get me out of this place.

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**Yay! End chapter. It was kind of happy, right? Please say kind of happy? :3?**

**So please submit artwork to the contest so I don't feel like an idiot.**

**Also, with the end of the year this Friday and then exams for the next two weeks, expect even more delays for the chapter. I'll try to update whenever I can, but no promises about set dates for it.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews and keep it up, lovely chibi-dears!**


	15. Diseased

**A.N: CHIBI-DEARS! Oh how I have missed you! Okay, so as I am writing this I just got off the phone with my Biology teacher. Guess who got a 94 on her final? That's right, this freak of nature right here! Now I hope I can at least pass Geometry and then I don't care about the rest of my tests.**

**I picked a date for the contest. All your work must be in by July 13th, 12:00pm EST. I don't care if they're stick figures, really. Those ones amuse me greatly ^^. Go on, do it. Doooo iiiit.**

**Okay, Pocky. Stop creeping everyone out and just get to the story. Sigh. Oh fiiiine.**

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**((Edward's POV))**

I just got off the phone and don't think that there's a chance that I'll stop grinning any time soon. My face feels like it's splitting in half but there's nothing anyone can to about it. Why? I just got the best news ever. What was it? Well, seeing as it came directly from _him_ at _his _house, I think it would be obvious.

Envy is out of the hospital.

Sure, it's been two weeks since I saw or spoke to him last. At least he's getting out is all I can say. The only real problem in my life right now hasn't changed much and is the only reason I'm so nervous about Envy being out. Another highly obvious answer, so let's just say it all together now:

My dearest _father._

In the span of the same time Envy's been away we haven't spoken a single word to each other. I'm not complaining about it and it seems that neither is he. I wouldn't know, he hasn't said anything. Even on the nights I usually dread the most, namely Saturday, not a single sound could be heard other than the crack of a beer can opening. No screaming my name or mentally tormenting words making me want to rip out my ears. The silence was blessed and welcome although it made me wary of what was to come. This couldn't last for long. Call me paranoid but it was the truth. Calm before the storm, one would say. I've gone through his cycle multiple times before and none of it has ever ended well. Change in the Elric household just wasn't possible. I suppose that's why Al got out early. Oh yeah, Alphonse. I never told you about him. I guess that's just because he's never really come up before. I've been more focused on… Envy.

Alphonse Elric is my younger brother. When mom died and dad started spiraling downward, Al moved out. He went to live with friends of the family, Winry and her grandma. They claimed that they could take care of Al while dad was still grieving, and left me to take care of dad. Because of course, the eldest son would _never_feel the loss of his mother as hard as the younger brother. Not like I knew her longer or anything. But I had to give Winry my gratitude. Al could never have standed living in this house when dad started drinking. I was a bit stronger, so I could, but dad had extra ammo against me. We were evenly matched; if I ever fought back it wouldn't end well for either of us. Last time was a fistfight and, despite all that alcohol, he still had a good bit of muscle on him and knew how to throw it around. I was talking about if we actually used out voices for once instead of just wailing away at each other.

I was walking home from school because it was a nice day, overjoyed that starting on Monday Envy would be back at school. So a little less than three days waiting to see him, seeing as it was Friday. I would ahave loved to visit him sooner, but Lust interjected saying that he was still adapting to his new medication and he'd be kind of out of it. The thought gave me chills, my Envy ever 'out of it'. Wait… _my_ Envy? Ah, forget it. I'll worry over that later. Besides, that sat well in my mind, Envy being mine. I kind of liked it. A lot.

Something stopped me short when my house came into view, a car in the driveway. My _dad's _car. He wasn't supposed to be getting home for a good couple of hours and that grin that wouldn't leave my face all day suddenly fled, leaving me cold. I forced my feet to shuffle forwards with an ever increasing feeling of dread. Whatever made him come home early was never a good thing.

"Dad?" I called as I opened the door. I dropped my backpack on the floor besides the doorway, half of me still outside. Always best to err on the side of caution when it came to my dad. I loosened the tie around my neck from school, finally able to get proper oxygen into me. Man, that thing always had a tendency to choke me. I cleared my throat and called again, "Dad?"

And suddenly he was there in the hall, leaning against a wall with a can of been in hand. I outwardly winced, heart hammering in my chest, sending adrenaline through me already. This was definitely not good. He was getting drunk, it was Friday, and he was home from work early. Something really bad must have happened to make him like this. I did my best to force a smile, ignoring the sinking feeling in my stomach as best as I could even though I felt close to nauseous.

"What's up, dad?"

He fixed his eyes on me with some effort although his focus was off, like he was staring at the space around me and not really me. It unnerved me even more when he did that and I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, easier to take off running that way. He took a swig from the can and tossed it back into the living room before taking a swaying step towards me.

"Not much, kiddo. So, how's that Jealousy fellow doing?" it took me a moment to decode his slurred speech and my mouth fell open in horror. He wasn't just drunk, he was completely freaking _trashed_.

"Envy, dad, Envy. Not Jealousy. And he's doing good, why do you ask?"

He took another step, eyes narrowing but flicking all over the place, unable to really see me most likely, just a blur in my general shape.

"Because, he left a message for you when you got back home from school, thought I was you. He said to, 'thanks for visiting me in the hospital. It meant a lot.' Now what's that mean?"

Tension stretched out around us and I felt like I was a tightrope walker, one wrong word and I would lose balance and fall off to the ground where there was no net waiting there to protect me from getting hurt. I should have known Envy would have at least tried calling me to let me know that he was safe. He was probably too gone because of his medication to tell the difference between my dad's voice and mine. I kept my eyes locked securely on my dad's feet so I would know if he took another step forwards. That would make me be in striking range for him, a place that I would not be in. Not this time. I squared my shoulders and kept my voice relatively calm when I replied.

"Envy got really sick, so he was in the hospital for awhile. He's better now so he's out. I visited him once while you were away on work. His family took me."

"So he when he told me that you saved him. What did that mean?"

I paused a moment to make sure that I wasn't going to vomit when I opened my mouth next, stomach twisting and turning anxiously. "I-I don't know what he meant."

"He told me that you're the reason he got himself out of the psych ward. Now what does that mean? And don't say you don't know."

"Because I'm his friend, I suppose. I helped him get out of there because I supported him. That's what friends are supposed to do."

"Why was he in there in the first place?"

"You scared him really bad when you dragged me out of their house. He went into shock and had a bit of an episode."

"So it was your fault."

"What?" Indignation colored my tone. "It wasn't my fault. We were perfectly happy until you came in and pulled me out by my hair."

"But it was your fault that I had to drag you out. Don't you see? He's poisoning you. That fucking boy is putting thoughts in your head that it's…" he paused as his upper lip curled in disgust, "okay to do things like that. It's wrong to kiss boys if you're one. It's a disease. He's got a disease and he's trying to infect you with it."

I could have laughed with the absurdity of his words if I hadn't been so worried it might set him off even more. But I swallowed my fear and looked up to meet his eyes bravely, my response coiled on the tip of my tongue if he dared to say another word. He dared.

"And another thing, he didn't just have a 'bit of an episode' did he? He said he doesn't want to die anymore because of you. He tried killing himself, didn't he? Figures. He would be better off dead. He's doubly sick, in his mind and in his emotions. He's a freak who's destroying his life."

"Like you're destroying yours?" I said it with perfect, icy calm and felt a small flare of pride at doing so.

He spluttered, going red in the face. "I-I do not like men! What the hell are you talking about? And I'm not mental like him."

"But you are. Dad, how many beers did you drink before I came home, huh?" I didn't wait for an answer nor did I want one and just barreled through.

"You're an alcoholic, that's your disease. You're destroying yourself too, slowly and in a much worse way than him. At least he wants to live now. When was the last time you actually enjoyed life, huh, dad? Back when mom was around? And how long ago was that? So don't give Envy any…" I paused and inhaled deeply, reminding myself that breathing was in fact a good thing and I'd need it for what I said next," don't give Envy any _shit_ about having a disease. You're the one with the disease, not him. At least he's…" another breath, "He's fucking honest about the fact he's sick."

I didn't like swearing and wasn't used to it, they felt foreign on my tongue. But it would definitely get his attention. I was basically telling him that I was serious and that he'd better listen to me

He frowned, unable to think of a response to that for quite some time and I did my best to hide my smile. There. Verbally, we were on an even playing field. Maybe I had just a little more on him that he thought. So he answered with the traditional parental response when their children had outsmarted them.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that, boy. I'm your father."

"Yeah, and you're a crappy father! You yell at me, abuse me, harm me, make me cry, make _me_ _want to die_. I'd rather have no father than you, honestly. Then I wouldn't have to dread coming home to someone who can barely think coherently and just slurs their words hoping that it sounds like something!"

"I don't need to speak understandably to teach you a lesson, you little fucking punk!"

And there was that other step, his fist rising threateningly. My cue to bolt. I turned, running out quickly and deafening myself to his taunts following me.

I ran to the one place that I knew I'd be safe, even though I'd been warned I wouldn't like what I saw there. Envy's house. I pounded up his front steps and knocked on the door, yelling for someone to let me in. It was Envy's elusive father who he'd never told me the name of. Just that everyone called him Gluttony. I could now see why.

"Um… I'm sorry, but could I see Envy for a moment? It's very important," I spoke in a rush, looking imploringly up at him.

His eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to say what I assume would be a 'no, I'm sorry he's not here right now' when Lust swooped in to the rescue.

"Edward!" she gushed, shoving Gluttony out of the way and pulling me into a warm hug. "Whatever are you doing here?"

"Can I just see Envy, please? I need to. I'll be quick, just five minutes."

She frowned but nodded, taking me by the hand and leading me up to Envy's room. She knocked on the door before calling out to its inhabitants that I was there, then left. I opened the door slowly, preparing for the worst.

"Edward!" the excited yell surprised me into freezing before I felt those familiar arms wrap around me in a tight embrace.

"Hey… Wow, you seem hyper. I thought when your mom said you'd be out of it I'd just see a drooling mess," I laughed and hugged him back.

"Nah, one side effect is that I just get outrageously er… extrememly… You know what, fuck it. I get really awake but my brains are scrambled eggs. But none of psycho talk right now, what's up, buttercup?"

We went into his room and I sighed, explaining everything that had just occurred in a rush of words and minimal air. He frowned and nodded the entire time, seeming to calm down bit by bit as I spoke.

"Wow, man, I'm sorry. It sounded a lot like you," he murmured, cupping my face in his hands.

I sighed, letting my eyes close and tilting my chin up a little bit, lips parting of their own accord. He leaned down and pressed his mouth to mine slowly, like he could spend all day just here like this. I wrapped my hands in his hair and rested my chest against his, reveling in his warmth and comfort. I wasn't fully aware of how much I missed him until this very moment when I was finally in his arms again. It filled me with a sweet, airy lightness, brushing all of the fear and anger I had been holding inside myself from before. When we pulled away tears were filling my eyes but I had on a big smile, looking into his eyes.

"I missed you, Envy."

"I missed you too, Ed." He looked like he wanted to say something more but just touched his forehead to mine and sighed, murmuring something that sounded like, "forever."

"What was that?" I asked, biting my lip nervously.

"I said that I-"

"Edward! Your father just called and demanded you get home right now," Lust called, sounding apologetic. "We can give you a ride."

"Tell me some other time," I mumbled miserably, getting off his bed. He followed after me, kissing my cheek and saying he wasn't really good with going outside just yet, so I'd have to be in a car with just Lust.

"Bye, Ed. See you Monday."

I smiled and hugged him quickly before going to meet his mom. "See you Monday."

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**There was going to be something else after Ed left Envy's, but I decided to leave it off with this warm and fuzzy feeling. Don't worry, nothing bad's going to happen to Ed when he gets home! I promise!**

**So please review, chibi-dears. And don't forget the contest! (Doooo iiiiit)**


	16. Confessional

**A.N: Hulllooooooooooooooo chibi-dears, young and old! (I'm assuming mainly young o_o) For this lovely chapter it is my greatest pleasure that I have to issue the following warning. :girlish giggling here:**

**_MATURE CONTENT WARNING:_**** The following chapter does, in fact, contain deliciously yummy slash action. It is not going all the way, but there nonetheless. So if you find that offensive in any way, first of all, why are you even reading this? YOU SEE WHAT THEY DO! And secondly, please feel free to skip the parts with said content in them. I'll put up warnings for when it begins and when it ends. You can start cheering now :3**

**Thank you for all the reviews!**

**So here it is! (I feel so naughty for having to type that warning, hee hee) CHAPTER NUMERO SIXTEEN! Badspanishyay!**

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**((Edward's POV))**

I have no clue whether to be worried or excited beyond all belief that I think I've finally won. He hasn't spoken a single rude word to me and I hear the beer cans less and less. Hope is swelling in my chest even though I try to smother it daily. Hope is a dangerous emotion for me. And what I said to him weighs guiltily in my stomach like a heavy rock He's no longer speaking bad about Envy, just asks the occasional question about how he's doing. This sudden change of character scares me like you wouldn't believe. It's so strange to be coming home to someone who is… _smiling_. That's right, he's actually, honest-to-God smiling and telling me he missed me. I'm wary of what he might be up to so I am polite as possible all the while inching into my room. Envy's free to come over whenever now and he does so with great pleasure, not fretting over my dad's shift at all. Of course he shouldn't, seeing as it made him happy to see me and that's all that matters to me now. That sweet smile of his that stirs sweeter emotions up inside me, making me helpless not to smile back.

And even though it wasn't entirely official, we just walked to get some ice cream together and hung out in the park, we had our first date. Even the thought of it made butterflies kick up once again, although this time I didn't really hate them as much as before. Them being there automatically brought thoughts of Envy. My… my…

My boyfriend.

I was grinning stupidly all the way to school where he was waiting patiently for me. We still hid our relationship to everyone, it'd be way too much of a scandal for anyone to let it go, not to mention if my dad found out just how serious we were it would result in us never seeing each other again. He dismissed my affection for Envy as a simple slip of judgment that I would realize soon enough and fix the mistake. I doubted that was the case. But anyway, to the rest of the world it just seemed like we were really good friends. While, on the inside, each glance and seemingly accidental brush against each other had an alternate meaning only we could decode. It was thrilling, really, to have such a big secret that nobody knew about.

"Hey, Edward," Envy's voice was low as he smirked at me, causing me to revert once again into a little girl and press a hand to my mouth to hold back a ridiculous giggle that threatened to bubble up. I still had no idea why he affected me like that, although I couldn't really say that I minded it much.

"Hi Envy," I replied, my voice a bit too high to count as normal. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Hi, Envy." Much better.

"I've got to go to the bathroom, would you mind terribly?" he asked loud enough for any passerbys to hear while I did my best to smother my grin before it broke me in two.

Envy and I had another secret, and that secret was stall number three in the rarely used boy's bathroom. We often used it to sneak away and well, to put it bluntly, make out until our lips were swollen and we couldn't breathe. It was a rare thing we did, mainly when one of us couldn't go a moment longer without having some intense physical contact with the other. I loved every second of it. Usually, it resulted in us being late for our respective first classes and I couldn't care less about that.

"Sure thing, Envy. I wouldn't mind at all."

I followed him quickly as he led the way to the bathroom, a place that you couldn't find unless you were looking for it. A stupid place to put a bathroom, really, but I wouldn't complain about the school's fail at architecture if it meant I got to spend a few private moments with my Envy. Hidden in the shadow of the high school building on the outside, only a rusty drinking fountain to mark where it was. The door was the same color as the brick wall around it, nearly blending except for the lack of bricks on it. Envy slipped inside with me going in after him, shutting the door as swiftly and quietly as possible. It still made a small thud but I was used to it by now.

Envy glanced at the bottoms of the stalls before giving me a thumbs up and a wide grin. I left my school things on the counter next to the sinks and went into the third stall down with him.

Immediately his hands were in my hair and he had me pushed back onto the toilet seat, lips hungry on my own. Oh God… my eyes rolled back in my head a little and I kissed him back eagerly. I loved it when he did this, possessively crushed his mouth to mine, knowing what made me melt and going exactly there. His tongue slipped past my lips and I opened my mouth to him, my own tongue going to wrestle playfully with his. We both knew who was going to win this round though, and soon enough Envy's pushed past mine to explore the cavern of my mouth. It was everywhere, running along the backs of my teeth, running back against my tongue before going under it. Apparently, as Envy had discovered, I had a secret spot on the bottom of my tongue that automatically made me… make noises that expressed my great pleasure. And he loved exploiting it. His tongue tickled the spot and I arched my body up against him, releasing a moan that he swallowed up with his mouth eagerly.

Slowly, he pulled away, looking down nervously. "Edward… can I try something? Or would it be pushing you too far?" he asked quietly.

My stomach tightened in apprehension but I nodded, curious to what it was. Besides, if it went too far I could always tell him to stop. I trusted him enough to know my boundaries. Although, if he was trying something that would probably mean something that I felt my body craving the moment we stepped into the bathroom.

**MATURE CONTENT FOLLOWS THIS POINT.**

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"J-just tell me if you can't do this, if I'm pushing you too much. I'll stop immediately," he promised me quickly.

I'd never seen Envy this nervous before, not even when he'd been asking me out. I nodded again, giving him permission to do what it was he had in mind. And suddenly, I became the nervous one as Envy slipped onto his knees. I wet my lips and watched him carefully all the while hearing my heart trying to break out of my chest. He couldn't be doing what I think he was doing… No way…

But then his hands went to my zipper and I felt a swift warmth rush down me into my lower regions. I felt _it_; my- I couldn't even think the word without bringing a fierce blush to my cheeks- my p… Son of a female dog, come on Edward, out with it. I felt my penis harden and strain against my pants, desperate for Envy to release it. I'd rarely even touched the thing unless it had been too much of an issue to ignore. Which means to say, every time Envy was around I got a boner that wouldn't go away no matter how much I ignored it. So I had to take care of it myself whenever I was alone, a mortifying experience.

He unzipped my pants.

Tugged down my boxers.

I whimpered and looked away quickly, face on fire at the thought of Envy looking at me down there. I swear I could feel his eyes on it. Not like it was trying to hide, the damn thing was standing straight up. I heard a low chuckle and only got more embarrassed now that Envy knew he'd gotten me aroused.

"Edward, don't be embarrassed. Really," he whispered, one hand going up to turn my face back to him. I gasped quietly and felt more warmth fill me up when I saw Envy's expression.

Indescribably hungry, eyes locked on my erection like it was the best thing he'd ever seen. His tongue even flicked out to circle his own lips, a starving man contemplating which dish he would go for first. I had no idea that one single thing could bring out such a reaction in him. He set his hands on my inner thighs, which resulted in my breath speeding up, and my hands grip the side of the toilet in anticipation.

"Are you always like this around me?" he asked in a low voice that didn't seem like his. It was much more of a growl. Predatory. I shivered at the sound of it and my head fell back a little.

"Y-yes," I responded breathily, eyes closing slowly as I waited for what he was going to do.

I felt his hand on one of my thighs disappear, only to reappear in a moment to circle around my swollen member. God… if even that small thing had enough force to make me want to writhe around, what would happen when he did something else?

It didn't take long for me to discover the answer to that. I let out a strangled cry and pushed my hips up against his hand. He began to stroke me slowly, I could feel his eyes everywhere on me. It made me feel wanted, desired. I loved that feeling, having something completely caught by my just being there. I felt like I had a power, that I could control the entranced person. Not the case at the moment, seeing as the entranced person was currently pumping his hand along my length and controlling me to make sounds that I didn't even know my vocal chords were capable of.

"God, Edward…" his voice sounded as shaky as my entire body felt.

I was turning him on? Was that the case? Oh my…

Okay, ability to finish thoughts is gone. I felt something felt slid up the underside of my cock slowly and I moaned, pressing up against the feeling. Then I felt lips touching me… down there. My eyes flew open and I glanced down. Sure enough, Envy was glancing up at me with that devilish smirk before his lips circled the head of my penis, his cheeks sucking in slightly. I cried out again, back curling forwards and breath coming in quick pants. I felt myself repeating the same phrase over and over again, unable to stop because it seemed the only way to adequately describe the feeling that his mouth gave me.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God… h-haa, Envy… Oh my God…"

I felt my stomach clenching up and I blushed dark red, trying to hold it back. I was about to come, and I had a bad feeling that I'd embarrass myself further if I were to release in his mouth. I tried to find some coherent sentence to warn him, but it was difficult. His hand still stroking me, head bobbing up and down quickly, tongue teasing me. It was too much.

"E-Envy! I'm gonna come…"

He glanced up at me but made no move to pull away. Instead, he moved even faster. I moaned, jerking my hips up into his mouth. I couldn't hold it back any longer, the warmth began to leave my body as I started coming into his mouth, shudders wracking my body. I panted heavily, whimpering as he continued to pump me until I was done. Only then did he pull away, pulling my pants back up and zipping them. He stood up and I saw a thin line of white trailing down the side of his mouth. I blushed bright red and looked away. Unfortunately, doing so left my ear unguarded.

"You looked so cute when you said you were going to come," he whispered with his lips against my ear. "Blushing and your eyes squeezed so tight."

His voice alone started getting me hard again already and I stood shakily, not knowing if I could handle a round two right away. I'd probably die from my senses being too stimulated. I had to say something, though, that would stain my cheeks permanently.

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**MATURE CONTENT END**

'That was amazing…"

"So I didn't push you that far?" he asked, grinning.

"No."

"Good," he kissed me quickly before we stepped out of the stall.

"Somebody complained about strange noises coming from here. Now I see why."

We both jumped, utterly startled when we saw a teacher standing there with his arms crossed and frowning in disgust. I glanced at each other, neither able to think of any quick excuses. And Envy still had that little bit of white on his chin, the evidence.

"Come with me, both of you. Your parents will be notified of your… sinful actions and you are to go to confession immediately."

He turned on his heel and we could only follow with our heads hanging. I was worried for Envy, he seemed on the verge of a panic attack or something, hyperventilating and hugging himself tightly, nails digging into his skin. I felt a similar way but on the inside, shame filling every part of my body. I did like Envy, a lot. But why was being with him so dangerous? Did God not want us to be together? Well, that answer was pretty obvious seeing as according to everyone I'd ever met, God hated homosexuals.

My thoughts couldn't even remain in one spot, continually jumping to avoid the situation at hand. He led us into the church where we normally only gather for Mass. Or, confession.

I was first to go, kneeling in the small room facing the screen. I couldn't stand to see the priest after what had happened. I recited the prayer dutifully, my voice shaking from the tears that streamed down my face. They weren't because we were caught. They were frightened tears, because now I knew that I wouldn't be able to see Envy ever again. I'd be locked away in my room with no hope of seeing the sun for all eternity, forced to copy down the Bible in perfect cursive or something. Why couldn't I have been born into a different family? One that was accepting, like Envy's? Aside from his dad, but nobody seemed to care about Gluttony. I was jealous of him then, of the fact that when he went home Lust would probably just hug him and comfort him and he would tell her everything. Because he has a parent that loves him. He's got a mother to cry to. And I'm jealous of that luxury he has.

"What are your sins?" The priest's smooth voice pulled me out of my downward-spiraling thoughts and I inhaled deeply.

"Well, Father. I've lied." I've lied to my father about how I wasn't like Envy at all.

"I've coveted." I've fallen for someone I should never have even cared for.

"I've stolen." I stole him away from a normal life without me.

"And I've envied."

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**I'M SORRY! One more angsty moment for good ol' times sake, eh? Heh… heh… PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!**

**I have no clue if I'm good at writing "mature" things, so I ask you to tell me what may need improvement in that area.**

**We're actually dwindling down to the end of the story now… Wow, this will be the first one I've ever finished.**

**Please review, chibi-dears!**


	17. Separation

**A.N: Alright, chibi-dears. This chapter gave me so much trouble. Why? Somehow, after getting more than halfway done on it, the entire thing got deleted. So fuck technology. But in a good way, because otherwise it might crap out on me completely. **

**I'm sorry the updates have been slow. It's hard getting on a computer and I've been majorly busy as of late. Still love me? :)?**

**So yeah, here is the less-superior version of this chapter. Can you find the Scrubs reference? Do you know what Scrubs is?**

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**((Envy's POV))**

It seems that the world has made a game of me. _Let's see how many times we can give Envy a panic attack during the course of a week! _The answer to that little game is: plenty of times. Even with medication and all the calming breaths in the world, I still manage to get a few good freak-outs in there. But maybe that's because there are a few things that are sure to send me into an incoherent mass of babbling panic simply at the thought of them. Let me just list them out for you right now.

Flying.

The first day of school.

Hugh Jackman.

Getting caught in a Catholic school bathroom giving my boyfriend a blowjob.

I assure you, the last one is a very real fear and something that actually has given me a panic attack. When, you ask? Oh, let's just say about right now, when I'm being led across the school lawn into the church where the priest is waiting for Edward and I to confess our sins. I felt the million and one irrational thoughts filling my brain to exploding capacity, the breath moving faster and faster through my lungs and my heart rate escalating into the dangerous levels. My nails picked at my arms but I still felt in control enough to force myself not to break the skin. I could calm myself down. And while Edward was in for his turn with the priest, that was what I was trying to do.

I didn't really feel ashamed of what I had done. I was quite proud, really, that I could bring forth such a reaction from Edward. Seeing him so abandoned in the pleasure that _I _was giving him that he didn't even care where we were. God… I got goose bumps just recalling the memory of it. I suppose that focusing on good things could help me calm down. Too bad I'm such a fucking pessimist and I have to focus on the bad things in life constantly. I did, however, feel regret for getting Edward into such a position. He didn't deserve to get in trouble yet again. His dad was surely going to give him hell when he got home. And it was all my fault.

Edward left the confessional without even glancing at me, his face devoid of any and all color. The guilty feeling grew. I had no idea what he had said while in there and was terrified of what might be waiting for me. I steadied my nerves as best I could and entered the dimly-lit room. I sat across from the priest, not behind the screen like most people did. I wanted to show that I wasn't afraid and he couldn't scare me. I had to admit, though, that the flash of teeth when he opened his mouth to speak was disturbing. He was half-hidden in the shadows, so seeing white suddenly appear and disappear wasn't helping my mental state at all. Despite that, he tried valiantly to keep his tone from being accusatory. It was still creeping me out. I didn't even know if my thoughts were making sense anymore. I doubted they were.

"What are your sins?"

"My sins, in your eyes, would be many. I've lied, coveted, been greedy, been envious, been so angry I wanted to kill something. Strange enough, some of those could describe my family members. Lust, Greed, Wrath, and me, Envy. Kind of ironic, huh? But I don't think you want to hear my babbling about what a huge freaking coincidence this all seems to be. Oh, I've wanted a guy like normal guys like girls. I suppose you think that's a big, bad deal, too. Also, I…"

I was glad that I caught myself before I finished that sentence. I'd been about to let slip something that I hadn't even put much thought into on my own time. I'd been feeling it for awhile, so strong it made me feel like I was going to be dizzy from the sheer magnitude of it. I was too afraid to even put my feelings into words, because that would have just confirmed it and made it all the more difficult to ignore. I didn't want to push Edward into anything he didn't want but the truth was in my mind now, undeniable and demanding to be noticed.

I'm in love with Edward.

The realization halted my panic attack in its tracks, for which I was highly grateful. I felt myself gradually calming down, breath decreasing. The lightness from that realization carried me out of the confessional booth and back home. I felt content now, not entirely as nervous as I was before. But then I walked in and realized that the school had probably already called home and so naturally, everyone would know. Nobody was really in for hiding secrets, especially seeing as none of us had any to hide at the moment. So what happened at school was most likely now common knowledge at my household. Nobody would really care except for… Gluttony.

And when I wandered into the living room, following the sound of video games that were played by my brothers, there he was in his well-worn recliner. He fixed his small eyes immediately on me, none too pleased and not even bothering to hide it. Lust was known for being insanely vain, so why she had decided to married a fat man with a big nose and beady eyes were beyond all of our comprehension.

"Envy. Someone from the school called about a half hour ago."

"Yeah, I kind of guessed as much."

"So… do you want to explain your actions?"

It was way too easy. I wasn't in any mood to be polite and that question was too easily misinterpreted.

"Well first, we went into the bathroom. Then we started making out. Like, really making out. My tongue was in his mouth and everything. Then I pulled his pants down and got on my knees—"

"You know that's not what I meant. I don't need the details of your… gross actions."

"Okay, fine, fine." I sighed before muttering under my breath, "_fun sucker_."

His eyes narrowed even more but he didn't sy anything, waiting for me to tell him what he wanted to hear. That I made a mistake and I'd never do it ever again. Too bad I wasn't one for lying. I liked doing that with Edward and really, really wanted to do it again. And again and again and again…

"Envy…" Gluttony's voice pulled me out of my happy fantasy land and that made me all the more angry at him.

"I like Edward, dad. That's all. I really like him. I think he's sweet and cute and nice and for some reason he likes me back. What we did was nothing, just something you and mom did to make me," I smiled towards the end of the sentence. It wasn't entirely true that we were doing _that_. But it'd make me happy to see him start to freak out.

Sure enough, his face began to turn a lovely shade of plum and his chest puffed up like he was about to scream and give me what for. I waited patiently, calm smirk in place. On the couch, Wrath and Greed had stopped their game to watch the goings-on between dad and me. Better than any video games, real life boss battles. I got disappointed as his skin tone went back to the normal pale it was. Damn. I was really looking forward to some fireworks. But apparently Gluttony was too much of a lazy bum to even properly scold his son. Truly saddening. What was the world coming to when a parent didn't even yell at their kids when they did something "wrong"? Then again, I felt grateful that my dad was lazy and not at all like Edward's. Oh God…

Edward's dad.

I grabbed the phone and ran up to my room quickly, panic building all the time. I guess that's another thing to add to the list of things that make me panic. I slammed the door and fell onto my bed, fingers dialing by muscle memory the number for his house. I whimpered each time I heard the ring and not the sound of someone picking up.

_Hello, you've reached the Elric residance. Sorry we can't get to the phone right now but—_

I dialed again and again but got the same pre-recorded message every time. No bloody _fucking _answer. The phone blurred in my vision as frustrated tears began to roll. I couldn't stand to be left here wondering about what might be happening over there. I had to know. But I knew I couldn't leave. Gluttony would probably be awake for once. And all suicidal tendencies aside, jumping from my window didn't seem an appealing way to sneaking out of the house. I wrapped my arms around myself and squeezed until I had trouble breathing, eyes shut tight against the hallucinations I was sure would start up as soon as I opened my eyes. I hated this. Hated that every damn thing set me off like this until I couldn't even move. I even had come to expect this. So when it actually didn't happen I got myself worried and worked up over nothing just so it wouldn't feel like something was wrong. Even though everything was wrong in the first palce. Everything, everything, everything.

I kept making life a living hell for the boy that I loved. I had to put him through so much daily and I knew it must be wearing him down. I felt horrible for having to have him deal with something so insane like me. But I couldn't leave him. I know I'd end up suffocating him with how much I needed him. And I couldn't have that. He was in trouble now and it was my entire stupid fault. I dialed again.

No answer.

Again.

No answer.

Again…

"Envy?"

All my breath left me in one great exhale and I felt the phone crack a little under the pressure of my hand. When I spoke my voice came out childish and pathetic.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, what is it?" he sounded harrassed but not hurt, which I felt was a slight improvement on how I had imagined him sounding. Death rattle in his breath, barely over a whisper. No, this was much healthier than I had heard in my mind. Probably because my mind sucks.

"I was just so worried about you. Is everything okay over there? Did your dad do anything to you?" I cut myself off before I could overload him with the million and one questions on my mind.

"No, no. Envy, he didn't do anything. He just listened to me when I told him how I felt."

"Really? Edward, that's grea—"

"He also said I can never see you again."

"What? B-but…"

"Envy, I'm so sorry. I tried but he wouldn't listen. I'm so sorry. I've got to go," he sounded so weak now and I felt my heart breaking all over again.

I opened my mouth to beg him otherwise but then I heard a '_click_' followed by a dial tone. And I whispered what I had been about to say into the dead receiver.

"I love you, Edward."

You know, I've never cried myself to sleep before. It's kind of soothing.

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**Gao, I feel like such a wimp. I'm crying right now. **

**But still, the next chapter is going to be the second to last one. First story I've ever finished. And it's all thanks to you guys.**

**Please review, chibi-dears :3 I love you all.**


	18. Summer Rain

**A.N: Kyaaaaa~! "Whoa, Pocky, are you high again?" No, I am not. And I've never been high! HOW DARE YOU? No, ahaha, I'm just extremely hyper. Why? No clue whatsoever. Yay! Anyways, welcome one and all to the second-to-last chapter of this story! Oh, that might be why I'm hyper… BECAUSE I'M THIS CLOSE TO FINISHING MY FIRST STORY EVER! No, really, I've never ever ever finished a single story in my entire life. Well, chapter story. One-shots are a completely different thing. But you're not here to read my babble, you're hear to read this story who several of my precious chibi-dears have deemed "their favorite Edvy ever."**

**And for that, and all the reviews you've given me, I say THANK YOU! But we're not finished yet!**

**HERE WE GO!**

**P.S: I was listening to the song "Summer Shudder" by AFI while writing this. I don't know why, but it seems to fit. Or maybe I should just stop writing at midnight O_o**

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**((Envy's POV))**

_Five weeks since I saw him last._

Nobody really thinks about walking when they're walking, you know? It's just become so natural and easy that we don't have to think about it while we do it. Which in turn leaves out minds to wander freely. Sometimes, it's a good thing. When it's me? Not so much. But it was a nice day out and there was no way that I could have just stayed inside. So here I was, wandering in on the streets with my hands in my pockets. Cars whizzed by and I was dimly aware of them, more focused on my feet hitting the ground to an even rhythm I had tapping out in my head.

_Five weeks, four days._

It was raining, too. Not that heavy, but enough that my plain white shirt clung to my skinny frame and revealing just how much weight I'd lost. I hadn't eaten much since I learned that I'd never again see Edward again. I didn't have an appetite anymore. It was a miracle I was still able to support my weight. Then again, I'd only been out here no less than fifteen minutes and already I felt myself growing tired and a little bit dizzy. Although, the meds could probably be to blame for that. I'd actually been taking them dutifully as of late, because I was afraid of what might happen if I didn't. I already had a few scabs on my sides from nights when it got to be too much and I hugged myself tightly, nails digging into the soft flesh of my stomach.

_Five weeks, four days, three hours._

School was out now. I saw Ed for the last few days when we'd had exams but he'd ignored me through it all. It killed me to see him all alone again, it went against everything last thing I'd ever taught myself. And to make things worse, I'd caught him staring at me once, on the very last day of school. The expression I'd seen in his eyes had been enough to send me to tears once I'd gotten home. He looked so utterly hopeless, so _desperate_, undeniable longing hidden beneath those golden eyes I'd come to adore. Everything about him I'd come to love and now I could only see them in my memories and my dreams. How could I have messed up the best thing that had ever happened to me?

_Five weeks, four days, three hours… two minutes, now._

I honestly had no clue how much longer I could last without seeing him. Every day I woke up and immediately he was on my mind, if not already there from a dream I'd had about him. I was obsessing, I knew and it sickened me how pathetic I had become. I used to be independent, confident, strong, and smooth. Albeit, I also used to feel completely fucking alone and insane all the time. Looking back at it all, he'd changed me. Sure, I felt that I couldn't live without him but even with him gone now, I didn't want to die in case we ever had a chance to see each other again. I'd like to think I'd become a better person because of him. They were little things, but still, I'd be changed for the better. Well, I thought so.

_And one love missing._

I rounded a corner and was surprised to see that my steps had brought me to the road that Edward's house was on. I could see it now, that cute little ranch midway down the street, with no car in the driveway. The temptation was there, sure enough, but I fought to ignore it. He wouldn't want to see me; he'd probably be paranoid the entire time that his dad would come home suddenly and catch us. I'd be afraid for that too, so I couldn't. I closed my eyes and leaned against the street sign, imagining him seeing me somehow from the living room window and running out to greet me. He'd throw his arms around me and whisper my name so softly into my ear in that sweet voice that was solely his. I could practically hear it now, clear as the voices in my head…

_Envy. Envy…_

"Envy?"

The third time I actually heard it and whipped around, eyes wide when I saw that the object of my imagination had been conjured up into the real world. Wait, no, this wasn't a hallucination. They were scarier. Edward was there, underneath an umbrella with his eyes holding shock and something else that made a grin twist itself on my face.

"Edward!"

I didn't care at the moment that we were in public, on a street corner, with a high possibility of his dad rounding a corner and finding us, I hugged that little golden-haired boy with as much strength as I could. He was really here, solid, warm, flesh and blood. My Edward. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed him until I finally saw him. I never, ever wanted to let him go. Never again. I didn't give a damn what his father said. He was mine and I wasn't going to leave him anymore.

"What are you doing here, Envy? My… my dad…" his voice was trembling, with what I did not know. Relief? Fear? Happiness? Anger?

"I didn't even realize this was where I was going. I was just out walking. I'm sorry. I'll leave if you want," My words were a lie. A horrible, horrible lie. I wasn't going fucking anywhere. But he surprised me by wrapping his arms around my waist tightly and dropping the umbrella on the ground, his head resting on my chest.

"No. Don't leave," his voice was so soft and pleading that I felt my heart twist in anguish. I had no clue that our separation had been as hard on him as it had been for me. I squeezed him with renewed vigor, closing my eyes against the tears that were threatening.

"Never. God, never again. I missed you way too damn much. I l—" I caught myself, I couldn't tell him that just yet. "I care so much for you, Edward. I'm sorry. For getting you in trouble, for putting you through all this. I'm so, so, so sorry."

"Shh. It's okay. I… I care about you too," he turned and tilted his chin up so that he was looking at me, meeting my eyes with his warm golden ones. His cheeks were slick with rain and tears, teeth biting down on his lower lip and brow creased in worry. I brushed my thumb across the creases and they smoothed, his expression becoming calm at my touch. His skin was so warm compared to mine, his cheeks flushed that delicious red color and I was reminded of the first time I'd kissed him. It had been months ago now, but the moment was still clear in my mind. He tasted like cherries…

My body moved without my brain having to give the order and then I felt his lips beneath mine. He hesitated, being the smart one who actually remembered where we were before he gave in and kissed me back. It was firm, demanding, and hungry. We both craved the contact that we'd been denied so long and it seemed that we were working as one. With no words exchanged he knew to open his mouth just as the thought crossed my mind that I needed to taste him again. My tongue flicked out and touched his and I shivered in pleasure. He still had that sweet cherry flavor that I loved so much. Our tongues wrestled playfully before he submitted and I began to explore his mouth, memorizing every place that I thought I had forgotten. When I ran my tongue along the back of his teeth I remembered that it was a sensitive spot of his, he let out a small mewling noise when I'd done it. After what seemed for an endless amount of time I pulled back, laughing at the small trail of saliva that connected our lips together. And then his swollen lips parted and spoke in a breathless whisper that sent warmth tingling down my body.

"Um… want to go somewhere to talk?"

"Sure."

I wanted to do so much more than talk but I wasn't about to tell him that. I took his hand as he picked up his umbrella with his other. It wouldn't do either of us any good right now, seeing as we'd already become soaked through in the few moments we'd been out of the shelter of the umbrella. Well, Ed was sheltered; I was the idiot standing around in the rain. But really, right now, I didn't mind it that much.

And though it would have been a smarter idea to just have headed back to Ed's house, seeing as it was closer and the rain showed no signs of letting up any time soon, a half hour later found us sitting on my bed, holding each others hands.

We had stripped out of our shirts and pants, the soaked garments were now downstairs in the dryer. It was quiet, nobody home except for the two of us. We were talking in quiet whispers about everything we had missed in each other's lives. I leaned in from time to time and brushed my lips over his, unable to help myself from doing so. It had turned his face scarlet every time and interrupted him multiple times when I kissed him while he was talking.

"He home schooled me," he responded bitterly when I asked why I hadn't seen him at school for so long. "Told the school I was sick and got my homework and notes I missed."

"You haven't been anywhere at all?"

"No. I was only out today because I snuck out and he wasn't home."

Which meant we didn't have much time together. I wanted so badly to just freeze time at this one moment so I could keep him forever. Sadly, I doubted that it would work that way. I had to keep this time precious to me. And if this was to be the last time I would see him for a very long time, I had to tell him everything on my mind. I held out my arms and he leaned against me willingly. My hands stroked his warm back slowly and I placed my lips at the top of his head.

We stayed like that for an immeasurable amount of time while I just breathed him in. The sweet fragrance that was _him_, only made stronger by the rain. I could tell his eyes were shut without even having to check and felt his cheek rise against my chest as he smiled. His hair was so soft, thin strands tickling my face. This was what bliss felt like, I was sure. Everything about the moment calmed me and filled me with gentle, light happiness.

Into his hair, I whispered.

"Hey, Ed…"

"Hnn, Envy?"

"I love you."

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**Oho! And see? SEE? I can do happy!**

**The FINAL CHAPTER is next! Can you wait? Huh? HUH? Neither can I! I must write it! As soon as I can! Which means… see you next year! I'm kidding, it'll most likely be out next week.**

**I LOVE YOU ALL! Please review, chibi-dears!**


	19. Finale

**A.N: Hey, hey you guys. Guess what's in this chapter? Just guess. Do it. Got your guess? The answer is MORE HAPPY! Oho! What is this? Could my story finally be taking a turn :collective gasp: for the better? Blasphemy! But it's true! I promised you all it would end happy, didn't I? I'm good on my promises (most of the time).**

**And before you think this is the very last thing for this story I'm going to write, there is going to be an epilogue kind of thing after this. So keep your wee little eyeballs open for that.**

**Now, I just want to say thank you all so very, very, very, very much for sticking with me through all of this, helping me with your reviews, making me laugh and smile at your comments. I'd like to think I've become friends with a few of you (unless you're just humoring me so I write, aha). I love you all so much and you really need to give yourselves a hand. Because, as I've said before, this story would be dying in a ditch if it weren't for you. And so, I made you a present. Follow the magical link:**

**panikkay. deviant art .com/art/TO-MY-CHIBI-DEARS-173329511**

**Just delete the spaces :3**

**So again, thank you for everything. I'll stop babbling now. So here it is, the final (ish) chapter. I think I just gave myself goose bumps. O_o**

_**MATURE CONTENT WARNING**_**: **_**In this chapter there is going to be yaoi. More so than there was before. It starts pretty quickly, so this is your first warning. I'll post up another one for when it ends.**_

**Enjoy, chibi-dears~**

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**((Edward's POV))**

_"Hey, Ed…"_

_"Hnn, Envy?"_

"_I love you."_

I don't know if my heart could be beating any faster than it was at that moment. He… he loved me? I shifted so that my head was tilting up so I could look at the emotion in his eyes. Those violet depths watched me carefully, something sweet in them that I couldn't deny as obvious affection for me. But, love? I didn't know if I was ready for that just yet. Even though I felt a responding feeling coiling up in me, wanting to come out to match his. I chewed my lip as his tilted up in a nervous smile.

Could I honestly love Envy? Yes, I guess I could. He was extremely sweet and kind. When I heard he was in the hospital I wanted nothing more than to go see him and tell him everything was going to be all right. To let him know I was there for him. I would do it a thousand times over if I had to, just to see him smile with the knowledge that he had a shoulder to lean on. Was that really love, though? I tried to remember everything I'd been taught about love.

The Bible says that love can only be between a man and a woman. I still believed that to be utter bull, seeing as kids (well, most kids) loved their parents, regardless of gender. I guess that they were talking about intimate relationships, not familial. I let my eyes slip close again and pressed my mouth to Envy's while I thought.

He pulled me closer without hesitation, letting our lips slip and fit together in that perfect way they did. His hands stroked my back, the lightest pressure on my bare skin. He was so cold compared to me and I wondered, not for the first time, if it was because he was always that cold or I was just burning up that much whenever I was around him.

But back to my original musing, before he distracted me. The last time I thought that I was in love with someone was back with Roy. Seriously though, I knew now that it wasn't love at all. It was a confused little crush when I was still trying to figure everything out about myself. Hell, I still didn't know everything that went on in my mind. When he scorned me in front of the entire cafeteria, though, I knew that it was over. I could never be in love with someone who would treat me so poorly. But Envy… Envy was something different.

Being with him was effortless. I didn't have to keep reminding myself that yes, this was my boyfriend and I could kiss him. I kissed him whenever I could and without hesitation because I _knew_ he was mine. He still is. Somewhere along the line, that one meeting had sparked all of this. We became acquaintances. We became friends. We became… lovers? And now we were at this.

And whenever I thought the words '_I love Envy_' a little light went off in me, telling me that I finally figured it all out and I was an idiot for not realizing it sooner. So yeah, I'm in love with Envy.

He didn't really give me an oppurtunity to tell him, though, because he pushed me so I was laying down on his bed and he was suddenly on top of me. His hands went everywhere; along my arms, through my hair, over my torso. His mouth was at my neck, nipping and sucking until all I could do was encourage him with small noises. It wasn't long until my brain shorted out and my hands threaded through his long, wild hair while I became a squirming mess beneath him. If we were moving to fast I honestly… I didn't give a damn.

While I'd been dsitracted by his lips, Envy had found one of my nipples and was rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. I tilted my head back and let out a moan that turned into a sharp gasp when he pinched it lightly. I felt it harden beneath his touch and heard him chuckle when he felt it, making my face burn. The sudden cool made me shiver as the mouth on my neck vanished. I let out a small mewl to protest but then looked down just in time to see Envy take the nipple he wasn't already teasing into his mouth. His teeth grazed the sensitive skin there and my back arched involuntarily. His tongue ran over the small pink bud and I swear I saw sparks dance across my vision.

"E-Envy… God."

His eyes flicked up to me and again I was stunned by that hungry, fierce expression his eyes seemed to hold whenever things got like this. He was hungry and craved my body. And God did I want to feed him. Whatever it entailed, I wanted to. I wanted him.

My legs wrapped around his waist as my hands pulled his face back up to mine so I could kiss him again. He wasted no time in forcing his tongue into my mouth, touching every sensitive spot in there that he'd discovered to make me moan and squirm. It sent shivers down my spine when I heard a low moan be released from him, and I clung tighter, desperate to hear that noise again.

That's when I felt his hips brush against mine lightly and my mind officially shorted out. I returne the pressure without even thinking, only feeling the sensations tingling in my lower abdomen with each time we moved. My hands ventured downwards and I soon found them at the edge of his boxers, the tips of my fingers slipping inside and tugging them down slowly. The only rational part left in my brain that wasn't a drooling mess by this time was screaming at me, _"What the hell are you doing?"_ But thankfully that little voice was shut up when I hit him with a brick.

Envy didn't seem to have a problem with wondering what I was doing as he shifted so that I could pull them off easier. I looked him over timidly, still worried that this might be going too far for him and at any moment he might yell at me and leave. So I tried to enjoy this sight as much as possible.

God he was beautiful. Pale skin smooth, no blemishes on him at all. I reached out to touch his chest and felt the strong muscle beneath my flat palm. And then I felt something that made me blush. His heart was beating as fast as mine was, almost in perfect sync with it. I looked up to meet his eyes and he smiled down at me before leaning forwards so his lips were at my ear.

"But you know, now this is unfair. You're naked, I'm not."

As he spoke his hands wandered down to tickle my hips before I felt his fingers curl around the elastic at my hips and he pulled them down to my knees. I did the rest, kicking them off somewhere in his room.

His eyes travelled over my body slowly, tongue licking his lips when they found my lower half. He spoke again and this time his voice was low and rough.

"Edward… I want you."

Was that my voice that just did that horribly embarrassing mewling sound or did Envy have a cat that I was unaware of? Either way it seemed to please the dark-haired male on top of my and he returned his lips to mine with deperate passion. His hands wandered down to grip my hips and in one slow motion he rubbed his hips against mine. We returned to how we were before, mindlessly rubbing against each other. Although this time it seemed as if it was building up to something. The feel of our bare skin touching, every line of his body pressed against my own, those addictive kisses and touches that made me forget who I was, every bit of it was leading to something else. I didn't get what him "wanting me" meant until I felt his fingers slip lower and around to my backside. His hands cupped by bottom and squeezed it, nails digging in slightly. A peculiar sensation tingled through me, like I wasn't suppose to freaking _love_ it when he did that but I did anyway. My lips parted and I moaned into his mouth, trying to press against his body and his hands at the same time, causing my back to arch and press up to his cool chest.

I was stunned out of my blissful little wonderland when I felt his fingers push lightly against well my um… yet another word that made me blush at the mere thought of it, my anus. I stiffened up and my eyes widened to look into Envy's half-lidded ones.

"I-I'm sorry, is this okay?" his face flushed and his hands slipped away for a moment.

"It's fine. Don't… don't stop," I replied in a voice little more than a whisper, trying to hide the fact that it was trembling. In anticipation, in fear, in excitement, I didn't exactly know. But I really didn't want him to stop. I was curious. Good thing I'm not a cat.

He nodded slightly and his fingers returned. One pushed into me slowly and I tried not to hiss in pain. Right… shouldn't there be some sort of I don't know, moisture on his fingers? I had no clue. They didn't really talk to us about that at school. I squeezed my eyes tightly and bit my lip to keep from crying out at the strange feeling that his finger gave me. It was only mild discomfort but I had a notion that it wouldn't stay like that for long.

He was moving slow enough for me to get used to the uncomfortable stretch and as I started to relax he moved his finger a bit faster. The pain increased as I felt him add another digit inside me, forcing a small gasp from my mouth. He paused for a moment before he began to move his fingers again, murmuring apologies as I squirmed uncomforably beneath him. Even with the pain and a small part of my body demanding I stop this nonsense right now (_probably the part that still listened to my dad_), I pressed back against his hand, urging him to continue. I could take this, I told myself.

At least, I believed that until I felt those two fingers spread and force my inner walls to separate as a feeling akin to being ripped apart shot through me. I didn't let him know how much it truly hurt, only a small whimper slipping out gave away the pain I was feeling. Not just pain… agony. Did I really need to be stretched out this much? If so, how would I handle…

Apparently even with all of that chaos happening Envy still had a way to bring me pleasure. His fingers stopped the scissoring motion they had been administering to press deep inside me, somehow hitting something. Whatever it was made a jolt of pleasure to cause a shiver to go up my spine and a moan to erupt from me.

"Th-there. Again," I panted, biting my lip.

"Here?" he asked, moving his fingers in the way he did before and hit that same spot.

My back arched and I nodded eagerly. That right there must have been why guys allowed this to be done to them. I felt my body shaking at the sensation as he hit it again and again, some noise coming from me each time. The pain returned as I felt his fingers stretching me out further, another added to the mix. Oh God… My eyes screwed up tight and my hands reached up to pull on Envy's hair. I needed something to dig into, something to distract me from the pain. It seemed equal exhange. Envy caused me pain and I caused him some. But it seemed he enjoyed me tugging at his hair as well, each time my grip tightened he let out a low moan and thrust his fingers exceptionally deep into me.

After what seemed like an eternity and like my bottom couldn't take much more of this beating he retracted his fingers. I opened my eyes slowly to look at him and had to stifle a gasp as I felt something much different than his fingers press against my entrance. He looked down at me worridly before he spoke.

"Are you sure this is okay?" he questioned in a voice that was soft and concerned. Giving me another chance to back out.

I nodded. "Just… be as gentle as you can," I pleaded and closed my eyes, trying to relax before he entered me.

"G-God!" I cried as he began to slide into me slowly.

He hissed low and his hands went to grip at my hips, breath immediately growing heavier. My hands pulled roughly on his hair and my mouth hung open to all the sounds I wanted to make but the pain was so intense that I couldn't. He continued to push until I felt his hips pressed up to me. It was too much. I was going to die from this, from my boyfriend having sex with me just because I was too much of a wimp to not just take it.

"Edward?" Envy's soft voice pulled me out of my little world of pain and my eyes opened slowly so I could look up at him.

"Y-yeah?"

"It's going to be okay. Just relax." His lips went down to touch mine softly and that gave me a momentary distraction from… down there. It still hurt like hell but now I had something else to focus on. And he just added another thing to the list.

One of his hands went from my hip to wrap around my arousal and began to stroke me slowly, making me moan and press up to his hand. I noticed when he moved inside of me, pulling out before going back in to the tempo of his hand. I tried to ignore the pain and focus only on relaxing myself and enjoying the feel of his hand around me. Envy's lips slid from my mouth to dust over my cheeks, a blush rising in their wake, then down along my jaw and onto my neck. He sucked and nibbled the skin there and I knew that he would be leaving marks that would be difficult to explain to anyone who asked.

I gradually grew accustomed to the feel of his member sliding in and out of me and my hips began to move quicker, both into his hand and back against his length. Moans and curses spilled from his lips in equal turn, his breath hot against my neck. My hands slid down along his spin, pushing away some of his hair that had become stuck to his skin by sweat.

He sped up his thrusts, my name coming from his lips in a rough growl. He hit that spot again and I cried out, in pleasure this time while my body jerked back, forcing him to hit that spot again. I heard him chuckle slightly and then his lips were brushing against my ear, tongue flicking out and I shivered.

As he continued to hit that spot I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach and I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to make this last longer. I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip in an attempt to keep my moans in, as if that would make it last longer. Envy seemed to sense this as he moved faster, repeatedly hitting my prostate until sparks flew across my vision and my mouth fell open to a series of cries and moans, back arching as semen spilled out of my body. It hit his stomach and my own and I turned dark red in embarrassment that I had just done… that. My dark-haired companion didn't seem to mind at all, crying out my name and squeezing my hips roughly until his nails dug crescents into my skin.

I felt warmth suddenly shoot into my inner recesses and gasped quietly, body quivering to the core at the million and one sensations attacking my mind. Envy slowed to a stop, panting heavily and his body sagging onto mine.

**Mature Content done.**

He pulled out, leaving me feeling strangely empty and moved off me slowly, lying on his side facing me. I shifted as slowly as I could, afraid I might shatter if I moved too fast. He smiled timidly at me, eyes betraying just how amazing he thought that it was. I returned the smile and scooched closer to him, placing my hands on his shoulders. His arms went around my waist and he sighed happily, nuzzling his nose to my hair.

There was a calmness to the moment that seemed to last forever, a sweet serenity that came with being with someone special, even if it we weren't supposed to be together. It was in those forbidden hours when we lay in each other's embrace that I was finally able to say what I'd been feeling all along…

"You know…"

His response was little more than a hum, letting me know that he was listening. His arm tightened around my waist, warming my bare skin. I took in a deep breath, feeling tears filling my eyes as I spoke the next part.

"I realize now he never was my first love, you are. And even if I have to go against God, against everything I believe in, I don't care. So long as you know that I'll go with you to the end of the earth. Because… I love you, Envy. I know now that I always have."

_**Gegen Gott.**_

**-end-**

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**And there it is! I personally love how I ended it. Stay tuned for the epilogue/side story: **_**Happy Birthday Envy! **_**Hee hee X3. I need tissues now, I'm crying. It's just so cuuuute~!**

**Please, please, as always, tell me what you think. Do I fail at smut? Did you love it? Let me know!**


	20. Happy Birthday, Envy

**A.N: CHIBI-DEARS! I'm so, so, so sorry you had to wait so long for me to finally post what is surely to be a crappy excuse for an epilogue. During August I was camping most of the time and only now things are starting to calm down from the first month of school. Can you ever forgive me?**

**This epilalalalougue (one of you knows what I mean) takes place at the ending of Ed and Envy's senior year at school. So a year has passed since the finale. It's really just a meaningless fluff chapter that shouldn't exist but I wanted to write it anyway because many of you wanted to know what happened between Ed and Hoho.**

**And thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank you all, my beloved little chibi-dears. This story has received over 200 reviews. WHOO! Take that, Daddy (she knows who she is)! Anyway, I love you all so very very much for making me feel loved and like people actually like my writing. I'm hugging you with my mind now. Feel it?**

**SO WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADO! (what does ado mean anyway? Or is it adieu? Isn't that goodbye in some foreign language? French? I feel I should know this…) Umm…. Epilalalalalalougue. Yeah.**

**PS: A SPECIAL THANKS. To my good friend Jay! They helped me figure out some of the dialogue for the talk between Edward and his dad. They're WinterImperfect here on good ol' fanfiction and you should visit them and give them lots of love! Because they're awesome. Om nom nom boner. Killer party hat.**

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**((Edward's POV))**

God I felt so mortified about what I was doing. But there was no turning back now seeing as Lust already had me trapped inside her car and we were speeding down the road towards her house. I shifted uncomfortably, my face sure to be stained forever bright red with what I was doing. I tugged down the plaid red skirt I was wearing, praying that it would go past my mid-thigh to stop exposing so much of my legs, which had been shaved for the occasion. Thankfully from my knees down were hidden by pure white socks, ending at my feet with scuffed black shoes with little buckles on them. At least the top wasn't as bad. A short-sleeved collared shirt and a plaid tie to match my skirt. Although I had to admit the shirt hugged my body extremely close. None of this, though, was as bad as my hair. It had been parted down the center and each side was pulled up into high pigtails except for my bangs that mercifully hung down to cover my burning face. Now I bet I've got you all wondering…

Why the hell am I dressed up like a kinky schoolgirl?

Well, the answer goes a little something like this:

"Hey Edward, my brithday's coming up soon, you know…""Yeah. And?""I want to see you dressed like a schoolgirl. You'd be so cute!"

"_Hell no."_

"_But—"_

"_No."_

So of course, I dressed up for his birthday. Don't even ask me where I got the things to do this. But if it would make him happy to see this then I suppose I would. It was only for one day anyway. Although, don't even get me started on what my father thought of the whole ordeal. He'd seen me leaving in a skirt, made a few smart comments, and went to the fridge for his beer. Whoa, right? He didn't even yell at me or pin me down and force me to stay in the house. I couldn't believe it either. But it was true.

I'd sucked up my fear, grown a pair, and laid down the law. That fun tale went like this…

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"_Dad, we need to talk," my voice was filled with the confidence that sounded hollow to my ears._

"_Oh? Have you finally come to your senses about how wrong you were about that horrible boy?" he asked, glaring up at me from his spot at the couch. I couldn't see any beers, so that hopefully meant he was sober enough to have this conversation with._

"_No. I will not stop seeing Envy. I love him and am going to stay with him. Whether you approve or not is none of my concern," I replied, my arms crossing as I met his glare with a defiant one of my own._

"_Listen here, boy. Your," his nose wrinkled in digust as he said the next part, "relationship is against God. It is morally unacceptable and Satanic. I'll never accept it as a legitimate relationship, regardless of your feelings for him." He rose up off the couch, towering over me in an attempt to intimidate._

"_Open your eyes, old man. It's not medieval times anymore. Besides, you sin every day when you drink and you abuse me, to take that to God and shove it. Is love really a sin. I though the whole point of the story of Jesus was pure love. So then why is my loving Envy so wrong? Because he's a man? Because society has a problem with it? Because I was taught it was wrong in church? I love him and won't stop loving him. So what's wrong with that?" I clenched my fists against my sides and bit my lip hard against the tears that threatened to come. _

_He looked taken aback, eyes wide at my outburst. I'd only been like this a few times before and he always seemed to listen to me better when I was near hysterics. During his stunned silence I continued on._

"_Is it so wrong to want to love someone and be loved in return, despite who they are? Or what gender they are? Is that the issue, because we can't have children? There's enough kids abandoned in the world, we can give them a home. So I don't see anything wrong with this," I trembled, blinking rapidfire to keep from sobbing. I'd never been this passionate about something before. But damnit, I wanted my dad to accept it._

_He was still silent, staring down at me in a most peculiar way. He too seemed to be near tears. Or maybe he was simply drunk and I hadn't noticed it before. Either way, I was unsure and I hesitated because of it. He took that chance to speak._

"_So this boy really means that much to you? That you're going against me and fighting me on this? That you seem ready to just walk out of that door? This love may not even last," he said in a quiet voice, frowning._

_I had no clue how he'd known about the fact that I had a bag already packed and ready to go in case this went bad. But I did and it was hidden out of view but where I could easily grab it and run if the need arose. I swallowed and looked directly at him as I replied, my voice surprisingly solid despite my chaotic emotional state._

"_If it means I have to live on the streets to see him, I will. That's how much I love him. If it turns out not to last forever, then I'll come back and say you were right. But I have a feeling that we're not going to be like that. If you still don't approve after what I said, I'll leave. Even if it disgusts you, this is love. And if it isn't, then I don't know what delusion I have going on. But I think it's real and I'm standing by it."_

_His shoulders sagged slightly as he looked at me and he fell back onto the couch with a heavy sigh. I could almost see the gears turning in his head as he leaned forwards to rest his head in his hands. Shoulders heaving with a deep breath, he gave his verdict._

"_I don't agree with your choice and I doubt I'll ever come to terms with it. But you can see him. Never at this house, but you still can. That's as much as I'm willing to allow."_

* * *

We'd abided by his rules and things had gone on from there. He was still awkward around me, talking to me or just being in the same room but I couldn't care less. I was happy, truly happy for once in my life and he wasn't about to bring me down.

The nervous flutters in my stomach turned into a full-out earthquake as we pulled into the driveway at Envy's house. All the lights in the house were on and I could see balloons through the windows. There was music loud enough to be heard outside playing that only ampliphied once we were out of the car. I cast Lust a pleading look, begging her to let me go free before this torture started. She returned it with a cheerful smile and went up to the front door. I followed reluctantly, keeping my eyes on the ground.

"Look who made it everyone!" she called out, opening the front door and going inside. I entered the house and almost immediately was attacked by Wrath, the spiky-haired kid wrapping his arms around my waist tight enough to hurt. I laughed and ruffled his hair up further, grinning down at him. He looked up at me, smiled, then raised an eyebrow.

"Ed, why do you have a skirt on?" he asked. I sighed and closed my eyes, shaking my head.

"Maybe when you're older I'll explain," I mumbled and patted his head before moving deeper into the house.

I found _him_ in the living room with the rest of his family. The conversation faded as everyone turned to look at me pouting in the doorway.

Envy was the last to look, but the expression on his face when he did made my knees shake. His eyes traveled up and down my body throughly enough to bring a further dark blush to my already-stained cheeks. He grinned and held out his arms to me.

"Come here, you."

I nodded and walked over to him. He pulled me down onto his lap and I scrambled to fix my skirt before it slid up to reveal anything bad. His siblings chuckled and started making smart comments among themselves that I was glad not to hear. On the coffee table before us sat multitudes of wrapped presents of varying shapes and sizes. I smiled and leaned back against him, making sure to keep my legs closed and crossed at the ankles.

"You're so cute, Edward," he whispered in my ear as his arms slid around me. I ducked my head and looked at my hands, smiling to myself at the comment. I'm glad he enjoyed it, because I was sure as hell never going to do something this embarrassing ever again. Unless it was his next birthday.

Presents and birthday cake later found Envy and I alone in his room with me on his lap yet again. Although this time it was a bit more mature than it had been down with his family. I was straddling his legs with my hands on his shoulders, giggling as he nibbled on my neck. One of his hands slid up my thigh and under my skirt, stopping in surprise when he felt what I had on underneath.

"Edward, is this what I think it is?" he chuckled and hooked a finger in the lacy red thong that completed my humiliation.

"It's a birthday present," I mumbled in response, smiling down at him.

He raised an eyebrow and was about to open his mouth when I silenced him with a kiss. It was slow and deep, good enough to distract him from what I was doing. Although, it wasn't helping me much either. I reached besides him to pick up one of his gifts, from his elder brother of course. I pulled back and held up the pair of fuzzy black handcuffs, grinning wide enough to feel like my face was splitting.

"Happy birthday, Envy."

* * *

**There it is! Do you hate me for making you wait for such a sad excuse for a chapter? Or am I forgiven?**

**Also, if you would be so inclined, I would love if you pointed out anything you found wrong in the story throughout you reading it. Just so I can go back, edit it, and improve it. It can be spelling or grammar errors, oddly phrased sentences, or flying alpacas. Let me know.**

**Anyway, this marks the end of Gegen Gott. I'll be writing more fanfics, so stay tuned. Thank you for your support and I hope to see you all again for my next story!**

**Much love forever and ever, chibi-dears,**

_**Pockymonx3**_


	21. Pockymonx3's Playlist

**Pockymonx3's Playlist**

_**(For Gegen Gott)**_

Just thought I'd write down what songs I listened to while writing this story. Some songs have a specific part that they correspond to and I'll type that in next to the song so you know. If you don't give a damn about this, just ignore it.

"Motteke! Sailor Fuku"— (it got me in the writing mood for some reason)

"Mann Gegen Mann" –Rammstein

"37mm" –AFI

"In This World (Murder)" –Good Charlotte

"Misery Loves Company" –Emilie Autumn

"Lollipop Luxury"—Jeffree Star (because it makes me smile)

"Roll Your Leg Over"—Anonymous

"School Uniform" –The Pipettes (Chapter 2)

"Welcome To My Life"—Simple Plan (Chapter 3)

"Malchik Gay" –TATU (Chapter 5)

"Mama" –My Chemical Romance (Chapter 7)

"Remember"—Emilie Autumn (Chapter 9)

"Pour Some Sugar On Me"—Def Leppard (Chapter 12)

"306"—Emilie Autumn (Chapter 13)

"Hospital" –The Used (Chapter 14)

"Asleep"—Emilie Autumn (Chapter 17)

"Summer Shudder"—AFI (Chapter 18)

"Inevitable" –Anberlin (Chapter 19)

"Glamorous Sky" –Girugamesh (Chapter 20)

"All I Need"—Within Temptation (Envy's Song)

"Save You"—Simple Plan (Edward's Song)


End file.
